Fussing #3—More Love
A great man once told me that always, “The answer is More Love.” If a child is down or depressed, try different ways of showering him with more love.
My Favorite Idea:
1. When one my kids seem to be struggling with something, and just don’t seem to be himself, we know it is time to invite that one into our bedroom at bedtime. We encourage that child to climb in bed between Mom and Dad for a few minutes. From both sides, we let him hear and feel love heaped upon him, in the way of reassurance, compliments. We take a little while to listen to whatever is on his mind. We might offer suggestions, although we don’t want to be too forceful with “two on one.” But even if nothing is totally resolved, there is new support and encouragement felt, and a boost in self-esteem, simply from more love.
Ideas Families Have Tried:
2. Give more physical contact. Is your child getting enough hugs? Is he or she in need of some good old wrestling and horseplay with Dad? Or to be rocked by Mom?
3. Give him your time. Spend some one on one with your child. Play a game she likes with her, play tag or a board game, or throw a ball. Read a book, make cookies, or watch a show together and talk about it. Go on errands or an outing together. Find what she loves to do and take a little time out to do it.
Lara never participated in neighborhood carpools, because she loved that time with her kids. There her child was, next to her in the car, with no other distractions for an amount of time each day. She could ask and find out many things about her life, her friends, her current dilemmas. In a casual way, she could give suggestions and counsel that would bring her child more happiness.
4. Find out about school. Talk to your child often about school. Make it part of your prayers for your child, ie that he will be able to make friends or understand the subject matter at school. Visit his classroom, perhaps as a volunteer, and observe the interactions between your child and his teacher or him and his friends. Or email his teacher to see if there is a problem.
Cindy volunteered each year to teach an art appreciation segment in her children’s classes, since it was a great way to observe the classroom. One year, she observed her son Robby seem to become more and more discouraged after school. Everything seemed to be fine, when she asked about school, except that his teacher would shout at the other students, which made him sad. So when Cindy came into Robby’s first grade class to teach her art appreciation, she heard his teacher be impatient with Robby. She sensed that the teacher was somehow frustrated with him. Further, it bothered her when the teacher told her at Parent/Teacher conferences that he was mediocre. No child should be labeled mediocre in first grade, she felt! Cindy worked with Robby to find the good, and make the best of the situation. But at semester, she quietly arranged to move him to another classroom, where he was so much happier.
5. Help your child serve others. When he is doing something for someone else, he feels better. He is distracted from his gloom. Help him drop off cookies, pray for someone who is sick, or visit someone elderly.
When Jan was a young girl, she visited her cousin at her college apartment. The cousin’s roommate was in the kitchen making cookies, and she said something that really struck Jan. “I am so mad at my cousin, that I am making cookies for her!” When Jan didn't understand, the coed told her the story: "Grandmother always promised me her piano, but my cousin got it! I am so mad, but I don’t want to be mad at her, and if I serve her, I won’t stay made at her. So I am making her cookies." Jan learned the principle that doing things for someone makes you feel better about them and yourself. It helps you love someone more.
6. Smile at your kids more! Check the mirror, occasionally, to make sure you like the expression you see. Smile, and keep smiling, for real smiles are “genuine and infectious.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf Ensign May 2013. Along with your smile, a cheerful word of encouragement or love is a perfect send off!
The Henderson family has a motto, that they say every time someone leaves the house: “Stand Tall. Be Polite. And remember you’re a Henderson!” The Flake family sends their kids off with a rousing “Remember Who You Are!”
I love Gordon B. Hinckley’s counsel to “Stop seeking out the storms, and enjoy more fully the Sunlight.”“Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism.” July 2001 New Era “Bring your love to your loved ones, and your frustrations to the Lord," said John Lund. If we can think of dividing things this way, we can better facilitate happiness in our families.
Ideas that worked well for you?
I would love to hear your good idea or experience with this topic. Please comment below.