Children—Resourcefulness
#1 No Free Ride
We parents must provide for our children both the necessities of life and
experiences to best help them through life.
We want to give them enough, but not too much. We want them to learn to be resourceful.
Our children actually learn the Most from what we Are. So when we are resourceful, we can let them
participate.
Ideas Families Have Tried:
1. Provide chances to help. Previous generations were good at fixing and
reusing and “jimmy-rigging” things together to make them last. They cooked and sewed and mended the old
clothes. It takes effort to pass skills
of resourcefulness on to the next generation.
When Hal and Teresa
tried to do something good, like help their neighbor with his lawn or bring
flowers to someone who is sick, they brought their kids along to sweep up the
grass clippings or carry the food. “I
need someone to carry this hot casserole in the car,” Teresa would tell them. When they reused a container or fix something
broken, a child could help wash out a pickle jar or hold the screw driver. It was often easier to do it all alone, but
by letting the kids “help,” they taught invaluable lessons.
My Favorite Idea:
2. Provide for their Wants, but
not All Their Wants. “By not satisfying every immediate want,” said
Elder Robert D. Hale, “we obtain ..the more desirable reward,” that of
resourcefulness, satisfaction, and skills. "Provident Providers" Ensign May 2009
I
have been grateful that we don’t have the means to grant every want, thus
teaching our children that not all are necessary. In our family there are lots of us, so we
limit a child’s sports camp or season to one per year. If a child wants to do more than one sport,
he must pay for it. This system weeds
out all extra sports but the ones desired the very most. In addition, we have found that when the
newness wears off, the kids attend more willingly lessons they have chosen and are
paying for. When our daughter’s dance
classes became expensive, in addition to us cleaning the studio to pay for it,
she started assisting teaching the younger dancers. With this ownership in her dance, she has
never had to be urged or hardly reminded to go.
When
our young son wanted to take kung fu like his friends, I set up a plan for him
to earn it. The teacher agreed let us
pay for each class separately. It was
quite expensive, and I didn’t know if it was just a passing craze, so I made an
extensive plan for him. Five items had
to be completed before I gave him the money for each class, including a lesson
of typing, an exercise in cursive writing (both things I had wanted him to
learn), a song on the piano, and extra jobs.
Kung fu did not come super easy for him, but he has stuck it out and
worked hard to earn each class. At
first, he did not always get it all done on time, and as per our agreement, he
didn’t go that time. But I did not push
him, nor did I give in to his pleadings to go anyway, and he figured out a way
to fit it all in. Since then, he has
always made it on time. And he’s pretty
proud of that yellow belt he earned!
3. Provide for their Needs, but not All Their
Needs.
Yes,
parents must see that children do not go hungry or naked, but as they grow
older, if we let children earn their own way at times, they learn satisfaction,
skills, and to appreciate more what they have. They feel good to pay their own way at times.
Elizabeth, in an
attempt to keep her children busy during summer months, had them goals for the
summer. As they daily work on these
goals, they earned points which translated into money for school clothes and
supplies at the end of the summer. She
kept track of the points on a calendar that each child marked, one point per
day for meeting their goal and one point per day for doing all their
chores. Right before school was to
begin, Elizabeth counted up the points and handed out cash in envelopes (then
put the youngest kids’ envelopes in her own purse to take to the store). It was money she would have spent on school clothes
anyway, but the kids could manage the amount they earned and make the
choices. The more diligent each had
been, the more they had to spend. It was
a long-term reward. In fact, she learned
that she didn’t have to remind or nag each summer day, for her children learned
as they grew older to see ahead and want more money for school supplies at the
end, so to be sure to accomplish their jobs and goals each day. Further, she noticed that the kids appreciated
and took better care of the items they
purchased themselves.
4. Provide Rewards carefully. Showering children individually with lots of
praise and sincere compliments builds self-esteem. But when we use things for rewards, we must
take care that the item is not the only reward.
Not always are there immediate rewards in their lives. On missions or in college, there is no candy
bar for a good job. Many of the rewards
from Providence come much later.
Children can learn to feel good about accomplishments. They can learn to wait for rewards.
Jennifer learned that if
she gave a dollar for an A grade, the dollar was the reward, instead of the
self-satisfaction of doing a good job.
She learned that if she gave a piece of candy for doing a chore, when
the candy stopped, the chore stopped! If
her daughter drew a wonderful picture and got a quarter, she expected one for
the next picture too. Jennifer learned
that her praise for something well-done was the best reward. And to give more, she told Daddy or let the
child call Grandma to tell what a wonderful thing he had done!
5. Provide happy memories. Joyous occasions can go along with the
teachings. These can be simple and
inexpensive.
The Yardley’s all
worked together to earn fun family evenings.
If everyone did their chores and practicing for a month, for example,
they all earned a pajama party or a family kickball game, or a game night with
popcorn and smoothies. Rather than pit
one child against another with incentives, bringing competition and contention,
they all worked together to earn their fun activities. One favorite family time was playing “Around
the World” on the ping pong table—everyone counting to see how high they could
go without a miss. It didn’t matter who
missed or how high they got. They’d simply start again. No one wanted the evening to end. It was a simple game, but a choice family
memory. Actually, it almost didn’t
happen. But they persevered through the
opposition. One of their sons married
soon after and a daughter went off to college, so the memory is extra choice.
Ideas that worked well for you?
I would love to hear your good idea or experience with this topic. Or your question.
Please comment below.
Labels: Children--Resourcefulness #1 No Free Ride
