Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: "Give Me a C!!" a Coach, a Cheerleader, and a Caring Teacher

1. Request a Caring Teacher. Months before a new school year, we parents need to do some homework! We need to find out which teachers in the upcoming grade are effective. Especially in the areas our child has needs. Ask around. Neighbors with kids just older than yours are often great resources. Ask your child’s current teacher for a suggestion of a teacher who would be a good match for your child. If possible, help at the school, in order to meet many of the teachers yourself.

Children learn the most from someone who cares for them, even loves them. Learning negates in a negative environment.

2. Conference with your Teacher. Be prepared for Parent-Teacher Conference. Talk to your child to ask what concerns he has about school. Are their issues with other kids that need to be addressed? Is there an area in which your child needs more practice at home? Open the lines of communication. Express your concerns, and ask her to call you if something should come up in this area. Seek to understand and be loyal to your child.

Suzanne chose to never bring her kids to Parent-Teacher Conferences with her. She wanted to be able to talk openly about her child’s strengths and weaknesses, yet not in his presence. Afraid that a negative label might be attached to him, she wanted to choose what she passed on from the conference. Suzanne took notes of all the good things that the teacher said, even asking for good things about her student. She then repeated them at home, in front of the family, to reinforce those good things.

Cammie made the mistake of going to the principal with a concern about her child and his teacher. The principal forwarded the email to the teacher anyway, and there was a rift in their relationship. Cammie learned to call the teacher to have a chance to explain herself when something was amiss. She also learned to tell the the teacher her son’s point of view and ask her to clarify, thus not putting the teacher on the defensive. A quick call to simply be in touch was most effective, i.e., “Brian was worried about what he was supposed to bring today.” It tells your child you care.

3. Coach your child. A parent is a child’s best coach. Because of the loving bond between us and because we know them so well, we can best prep them for what they will face at school. We parents can provide practice, flash cards, extra help and even extra time requested when necessary. We can help them soar when we read to them from baby hood!

Before her child began kindergarten, Patty tried hard to think of every tough situation he or she might face. She then told a bedtime story about that thing, a different one each night, whether it be following directions, choosing friends, cheating, lying, bullying, etc. In her stories, Patty told about a child and his or her name and circumstances and what came up. Sometimes the stories were true; other times they were made up. She often told the story two ways, one time in which the person made a poor choice and the consequences and how bad he felt. She then followed up with a good way to solve the situation and the good feeling afterward. Patty was amazed at how well the child remembered the stories and the details—better than she did! In this way, she hoped to coach her children in the best ways to solve problems at school.

Holly liked to read the same book her child was reading at school. The younger ones had reading programs and the older ones had literature for English classes. Whenever she possibly could, Holly checked the same book out at the library and read it too. Book reviews helped her make sure these were appropriate reading (and if not, she could request an alternative assignment). But mostly, Holly found that this provided a connection with that particular child. They could discuss the characters and the ideas in the book. “Why do you think that happened to Robert?” "What do you think is the main message of this book?"

Nine-year-old Sierra was trying to be positive about school but it was hard. She was bright and got good grades but found the work repetitive and boring. What’s more, it was so troubling to her sensitive spirit to listen to the teacher constantly get mad at the “bad ones.” Sierra often did not want to go to school. One day, when Madelyn was talking to Sierra about this, one on one in an interview, she remembered when Sierra had had such a fulfilling experience the year before helping another student. Sierra’s 2^nd grade teacher had told Madelyn more than once what a good job she had done helping Gabe. A slow-learner that no one liked, Gabe had struggled with his school work; but Sierra had connected with him and really helped him often. The teacher had been so grateful.

Now, Madelyn told Sierra, “Is there someone you can help this year? How does the Lord need you this year? What is your mission at school? That got Sierra thinking. It gave her a reason to go to school each day. Sierra could be on the lookout for someone who needs her. She could be a friend!

Hunter had just finished his first semester of Junior High. It had been quite an adjustment for him. A bright boy, he had hardly ever had any homework in elementary school! Now, there were so many classes, with so many different assignments to keep track of! Instead of spending most of the day with one teacher, he had seven different teachers to keep track of, all of whom had their different requirements! Hunter had done pretty well, except for math class. His report card showed top grades and top comments in all classes, except that one. In math, not only was there a lower grade, there was behavior issues as well. Stacy couldn’t figure it out—Hunter had always loved math. What’s more, he was a good kid and other teachers had called her about his exceptional behavior!

Stacy let a few days go by before bringing it up so she could be calm. She chose a quiet Sunday and approached Hunter. “I think there must be a mistake on your report card,” she said, as she showed it to him. “Sometimes teachers push the wrong button.” Hunter thought it over and decided that his math teacher must have grouped all the boys at his table as being disruptive. “Do you think you better change where you sit?” she asked him. He agreed that would be good. Stacy already knew his frustrations about the math teacher’s way of grading. She had only factored in the test scores in the grade, so there were only a few chances to bring up a grade. “It doesn’t help any to do the homework,” Hunter told her, “because she never counts it in our grades—she never even looks at it!” At that point, Stacy felt a prompting. “Hunter,” she said, “Algebra is something that you will use your whole life. If you can learn algebra well now, you will be able to do well in geometry, calculus, physics, and even engineering classes in college! Don’t do your homework for your teacher,” she emphasized, “Do it for You!” The light bulb seemed to go on in Hunter’s head. He had a new reason to do well in math, and it was just the motivation he needed to take on a new semester and do his best.

4. The Daddy Report. Let Dad be the Cheerleader, or Grandma, or an Uncle or Aunt or Neighbor. At our house, it was Daddy. Generally, I am the Coach, but Mark is the Cheerleader! (Although he is definitely the Coach when it comes to Sports!) When a student has a picture he’s drawn or a paper she’s written, we’ll show it to Dad. “I like the lizard over here,” he will say, or “The handwriting is sure better on this one!” Dad doesn’t see every picture; but when something needs recognizing, it’s great to have another adult to praise it!

Every night at dinner for a good season, Mark would find a Daddy Report at his place at the dinner table. It was simply a paper with every child’s name or initials written down one side. I would record at least one good thing that each had done that day. (If I had a hard time finding something for a particular child, I’d write, “Tommy almost got his chores done before school!”) The Daddy Report was especially great to fill Dad in about what was going on at school. He might read, “Sam made 6 baskets at the game at recess,” or “Sally gave a report on Polar Bears and did a great job.” Sometimes I’d write, “Ask Cindy about her art class today,” or “Ask Carter what his teacher said about his English paper.” We then all learned happy details about each other and talked about them, and success at school was supported and encouraged.

5. Make Report Cards a positive thing. At the end of a grading period, as tests build up and energy goes down, a cheerleader parent can encourage a student to “finish strong.” Then, when report cards arrive, no matter what they say, a parent can be a cheerleader. Notice improvement and make a big deal about it. Emphasize the Effort grades and make a big deal about good effort. (But don’t overdo report cards, as there is much more to your child than grades! Be careful not to compare your kids, but notice each one’s strengths.) Encourage and come up with ideas to improve a weak subject. “I know who you are,” one mother told her student, “and I know you can and will do better at this!”