Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: Fortify them from our Fortress

One summer morning, I was up very early getting our teenaged son off to work. As I glanced at the doorway, I had the impression that a guardian angel was standing there. He was dressed as an ancient soldier, with a hood and a cape. Startled at first, I discovered that I felt at peace. As I thought about it, I realized that our home is actually a fortress, which needs a strong guard to protect it from the evil of the world.

How can we fortify our children as they leave our fortress homes and go out into a sometimes forbidding world where there is evil and falsehoods that could harm them?

Ideas Families have Tried:

1. Fortify our children with Prayer

“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” James 5:16. Do we realize just how powerful and how necessary are the family prayers we offer for our children each morning? Prayer is a marvelous tool, for God is willing and able to bless us, but never forces, so many blessings are contingent upon our asking. (See Prayer, Bible Dictionary)

Along with the family catch-phrase they said when sending the kids out the door (“Remember Who You Are!), Rita prayed in their morning Family Prayer that her kids would “Discern the Truth from the Error they are taught.” Darla would ask, “Help us do nothing that would offend the Spirit.” Mark and I teach our kids to listen to their teachers, but only take the teachings into their hearts as their own, from that teacher who is a righteous person. “Trust no man to be your teacher,… except he be a man of God, walking in his ways and keeping his commandments.” Mosiah 23:14. Further, we counsel, be a friend to all but only adopt the ways or attitudes of a friend, if he is a righteous person.

Sylvia felt like it was important to teach her young children to have their own personal prayer every morning. Most of them remembered their nighttime prayer well, but struggled to remember the morning prayer when things were busy. Sylvia devised different methods to help them to remember this. One child did well immediately falling to his knees as soon as he awoke. One child connected his morning prayer with putting on his shoes, while another child said hers along with making her bed. She was a neat girl who made her bed every day, so as soon as the covers had been smoothed, her prayers were offered daily too! Soon, it was a daily habit, a guard in place.

Dantzel devised a couple of acronyms to help her kids remember to pray during the day:

TP=Test Prayer. It reminds her kids to pray before taking a test, in order to have extra help to recall the answers they had studied.

RTP=Remember To Pray. Dantzel wrote the letters inconspicuously on her child’s lunch sack, until it became a habit to quietly pray over the food before eating lunch. One of her daughters shared the acronym with her close girlfriends who then helped each other remember to bow silently and quickly for a blessing over their school lunch.

BIGWUP=Barbara, Instead of Getting Worried, You Pray. This was an important help for a daughter who was burdened with many worries. It helped her to give them up to God and ask His help during the day.

2. Arm them with Scripture Power.

There is power in the words of the Lord in the scriptures. Even a few verses from the Book of Mormon or Bible will shield our kids with the spiritual armor they need to face the world.

Sasha’s family had a good habit of reading scriptures together in the mornings. On extra hectic mornings, they read a single thought, but most mornings they each got a turn to read several verses. But Sasha wanted to coax her kids to start reading on their own as well. She started with her own example, and since the kids often didn’t see her reading, she would say, “I want to share with you something cool I read in the scriptures today!” Her husband Jeff started to sometimes do the same. Then, when a certain child was ready, ie he was a fairly good reader and the time seemed right, Sasha asked him if he would like to read the scriptures together at night. They sat at the kitchen counter and took turns reading, making it much of the way through. This child, she learned later, felt loved best by time spent together, so she was glad for the prompting to do so. It was a sweet experience, one that he commented on years later as the beginning of his testimony.

(More ideas for scripture time success in an upcoming post.)

3. Empower them with Music. It can fill their brains with goodness.

Tera made it a point to sing a hymn with her family each morning. She was so delighted to hear that hymn being hummed or sung later on in the morning. This told her that the music stayed in their minds through the day. When one son was going to have to leave extra early for football, she had the three football players in her carpool sing a hymn each morning. Thankfully, after explaining to them her desire to fortify them before facing the locker room, these husky boys were willing to each take turn to pick a hymn and to sing!

Alyssa decided to get a list of the songs that would be sung in church that week from the ward music chairman and sing them with her kids through the week. Her family talked about the words and what they meant. By the time Sunday came, and the hymn began at church, her children would look at her with triumph, and mouth to her, “We know this song!!” They began singing the hymns more and more.

4. Regularly Connect with each child using Interviews.

Lana, now grown with a family of her own, feels like her favorite memories of her father are the times that she sat one on one with him for an Interview once a month. Not only did she know ahead that she would have the chance to talk to him each month, she says, but also, “I felt like I could talk to him about anything!” What a wonderful connection with her Dad.

Mark and I have also had a great experience communicating with our kids through interviews. After a prayer with the child, I ask “What is on your mind,” and we talk as long as needed over their current dilemmas. Then come the standard questions.

We decided to have a list of questions to ask our kids at monthly interviews--much like a recommend interview—so they would know what they will be asked. I typed our list up, modifying it as needed, and kept a copy in my drawer and one posted for them to see. We felt like this would be a deterrent from doing some things, knowing they would be asked about it, and a motivation to do some things for the same reason.

Some ideas for Interview Questions:

How are your prayers?

Are you reading the scriptures?

Do you honor your parents?

Are you completely honest?

Do you strive to take the sacraments worthily?

Are you paying your tithing?

Are you getting along with your brothers and sisters? Do they know that you love them?

Do you have good friends, who make you want to be your best? (We encourage them to be friendly to all, but to choose as their closest friends those of all faiths who will uplift them.)

Are you listening to good music?

Are you able to avoid bad pictures? Movies? Bad jokes? Cheating?

Do you avoid offending the Spirit in all that you do?

Do you treat all girls/guys with respect?

Are you avoiding pairing off before your mission or college?

Will you decide ahead when you are going to kiss?

Are you striving to be more and more like Jesus?

At one point, new situations came up regarding electronics, so we counseled together with our family of teenagers about what questions would help us use them appropriately. We added these to our list:

Tell me your latest about electronic usage.

Have you received any suggestive or bad images or words on the computer?

Are the books you read about reality and goodness too, not just fantasy or violence or science fiction?

Are you using Youtube only in the family room? No internet in your room (labtop or handheld)? Is your browser remaining off outside the family room?

What is your texting limit?

Are you living a transparent, open-book life?

Do you feel good about your electronic usage?

When Mark had a season of extra busy Sundays, I took over all the interviews for awhile. It was a sweet time with my kids. I would share with him in private later, what I had learned from each child. Other times, we have come up with a schedule of who interviews who each Sunday of the month. The kids love their interviews--I don’t think I’ve ever had a child not want his or her turn. Once an interview started to turn a bit confrontational, but I just reassured my child of my love and support, and we worked out the issue. Another time I could tell a child was in a bad mood, so I ended the interview early so that it could end on a happy note. The touchy issues we save for our Family Policy Book. (Explained in a future post.)

Mark likes to have his interviews with the kids on the back porch swing, while I (usually tired after a Sunday block of meetings) choose the top of our bed! We talk as long as needed about current dilemmas that child is facing. Some of our kids don’t really want us to fix their problems as much as just to be a sounding board or even a place to vent and gain empathy. At the end of the interview, I ask again, “Anything else on your mind?” It is choice to see them open up more and more.

5. Investigate their lives during Dinnertime Conversation.

Maria works to make sure her family sat down to dinner together whenever possible. Sometimes, she prepares dinner by as early as 4:30 in order to eat before an early baseball game or call time. She tries to plan ahead for concert or school event nights. Dinner time is so important to her family as time to talk over what has happened at school that day.

Ronda sometimes plays undercover detective at dinner, trying to uncover the things her kids have been taught or exposed to that day. She tries to phrase questions in such a way as to help them open up about what they are learning. Ronda has learned the hard way, however, to not jump too harshly on a child when a falsehood or poor attitude had been taught. She has learned to back up a little and think about an effective way to present the truth and a wholesome philosophy. Her plan is to talk it over with her husband and then they will bring it up at an upcoming Family Home Evening or Scripture time or even dinnertime. This way, her teenager will not get defensive, but will consider the truths she has taught effectively by the Spirit.

Haley found that dinnertime is also a good time to talk over world events. She and Todd talk about the elections coming up. They talk about what is happening in the world, in a way that their children can understand. They always reassure their children that they would do everything to keep them safe and that the Lord will protect us when we do what’s right. They want their kids to see these things from their perspective first, before they hear other worldly views.

6. Fortify each child with A Priesthood Blessing.

It’s a rough world away from our house, and our children soldiers need all the help they can get. We would do well to get Dad or Grandpa or our Home Teacher to give each one extra help from a Priesthood Blessing. Right before a new school-year is a great time to do it.

Sandra writes down the words to her kids’ blessings. Later on during the year, especially if things got tough, she and her child look it over again. Sandra and Luiz teach their kids to claim the blessings they receive by praying for them and helping them happen. The Lord gives us blessings, they teach, but he won’t force us to accept them. We do our part by working toward them and claiming them.