Hope for those caught in addiction.
Even with the greatest filters in place, pornography addiction can occur. How can
we help our loved ones past this, and fill their lives with hope?
Ideas Families Have Tried:
1. Don’t overreact.
I was a brand new mom, with a little girl. In a college course, I had been learning
about the addictive behaviors associated with anorexia and bulimia, when one
day, out of the blue, my little toddler stuck her finger down her throat and made
herself throw up! Trying hard not to overreact on the outside, I was panicky on the
inside! Is my little baby going to have a problem with these terrible disorders?!! I
called my professor up! His reply was direct: You can make this into a problem,
he told me, if you blow it out of proportion. This is likely an accident, a one-
time occurrence, but if you feed it, it will be much more likely to happen again!
Chagrined and humbled, I realized that I had already learned the principal to
water what you want to grow. I just needed to apply it here, and in many other
mothering situations.
We must be careful to not overreact. If we react with “shock, anger, or rejection,”
teaches Linda S. Reeves, they will “be silent again,” and our chance to help them
apply the atonement has passed. (April Conf. 2014)
2. Use The Atonement.
“Young people and adults, if you are caught in Satan’s trap of pornography,
remember how merciful our beloved Savior is,” teaches Sister Reeves. “Do you
realize how deeply the Lord loves and cherishes you, even now? Our Savior
has the power to cleanse and heal you. He can remove the pain and sorrow you
feel and make you clean again through the power of His Atonement.” https://
www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/protection-from-pornography-a-christ-
focused-home?lang=eng
I was reading the Book of Mormon when I came across a wonderful scripture
about bondage. It occurred to me that bondage is like addiction, and the Lord was
giving us a key to freedom from addiction:
“And were it not for the interposition of their all-wise Creator, and this because of
their sincere repentance, they must unavoidably remain in bondage until now.
“But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him;
and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and
thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men,
extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him.” Mosiah
29:19-20
We are taught here to be humble, and to cry mightily unto the Lord. Notice that
the Lord tells us this works In All Cases! The Power of His Atonement covers all.
Therapist Jonathan G. Sandberg teaches in his BYU Devotional talk,
Healing=Courage+Action+Grace, (January 2014) “there are a number of very
helpful Book of Mormon scriptures that describe the process of deliverance in
which the Lord delivers His people from bondage. Pay close attention to your part
in the process of deliverance (see Mosiah 7:33; Mosiah 29:19–20; 3 Nephi 4:30–
33). You may wish to also look up all the scriptures in the Topical Guide under
“deliver, deliverance.”
3. Teach Healthy Coping Strategies
Professor Sandberg relates, “Over many years clients have told me again and
again that the most helpful talk they have seen about pornography is James
M. Harper, “Secret Shame: Isolation from Self,” a talk given at a BYU Cyber
Secrets conference, Cyber Secrets: The Problem of Pornography, 18 February
2003, youtube.com/watch?v=kzNKTOPVKZM. This talk helps us understand
that pornography is used as an escape from difficult or unpleasant emotional
experiences. Most often pornography use is not an issue of hypersexuality, per
se, but an issue of ineffective coping strategies for the difficulties of life. Most
men I have worked with who look at pornography do it to cope because they do
not have other healthy coping skills. Unfortunately, the use turns into a cycle
of shame and acting out, as described by Dr. Harper. Please listen to the talk
if you want to understand more and begin to heal.” http://speeches.byu.edu/?
act=viewitem&id=2162
Talking is also a wonderful coping mechanism--especially talking things over with
the Lord. Journaling is another tool for coping.
One of the best substitutes for pornography is using the computer and extra time
to do Family History and Indexing. It is a fulfilling task, with great promise. A
local bishop looked out over the members of his congregation and knew of the burdens many were carrying. He was inspired to promise them that if they would do Family
History work, their burdens would be lifted, and the righteous desires of their hearts would be granted. ("What I the Lord say unto one, I say unto all!" D&C 92:1)
My Favorite Idea:
In order for healing from addiction to occur, a person must get to the point where
he wants to change. I have learned that really, we who love him cannot pray for
that person to change. Each person on this earth has the precious right to exercise
his own free agency. Instead, we can pray for 1. his eyes to be opened and for 2.
his heart to be softened.
See Mosiah 27:22 “they began to fast, and to pray to the Lord their God...that the
eyes of the people might be opened to see and know of the goodness and glory of
God”
Matthew 20:33 “They say unto him, Lord, that our eyes may be opened.”
D& C 104:80 “And inasmuch as you are diligent and humble, and exercise the
prayer of faith, behold, I will soften the hearts of those to whom you are in debt,
until I shall send means unto you for your deliverance..”
Mosiah 23:28 Therefore they hushed their fears, and began to cry unto the Lord
that he would soften the hearts of the Lamanites, that they would spare them, and
their wives, and their children..”
God respects our Agency so much that he even allowed Adam and Eve to choose whether to take on mortality! But He does "invite and entice" to do good (as does Satan, to do bad!). So what we are really praying for, when we ask that our loved one's eyes will be open and heart will be softened, is for the Holy Ghost to touch her.
4. Use Church sites and Addiction Recovery programs.
The Church has many sites to help families that deal with addiction. One such site
is: http://overcomingpornography.org/spouses-and-families?lang=enghttp://overcomingpornography.org/spouses-and-families?lang=eng
In addition, many stakes of Zion have wonderful Senior Missionary couples
assigned to run the Addiction Recovery program. They lovingly talk people
through the 12-step program out of addiction. In addition, online there is an
Addiction Recovery Meeting Finder available, for both In-person meetings
and Phone meetings, for both Individuals who struggle with addiction and
Family members and friends of those who struggle with addiction. The
Church of Jesus Christ Family Services Addiction Recovery Program, https://
addictionrecovery.lds.org/home?lang=enghttps:// addictionrecovery.lds.org/home?lang=eng
5. Other Resources.
Becca learned on her mission that “Preach My Gospel,” the missionary handbook,
has some of the best counsel for overcoming addiction:
“Through baptism and confirmation people receive the gift of the Holy Ghost,
which will strengthen their ability to overcome these challenges. But baptism and
confirmation may not fully do away with the emotional and physical urges that go
along with these behaviors. Even though a person may have some initial success,
further emotional healing may be necessary to completely repent and recover.”
“• Testify that only God can accomplish the miracle of spiritual healing (see Psalm
147:3)...”
“Basic steps that help people in the emotional healing process include:
• Identifying and acknowledging the problem. This requires careful and honest
self-examination.
• Acknowledging that the behavior is harmful. It affects others and requires
change.
• Being humble and feeling sorrow.
• Seeking forgiveness from others who have been harmed, and learning to forgive
one’s self.
• Stopping addictive actions and beginning to do healthy things.
• Remaining faithful—keeping the baptismal covenant, providing service, praying
for help from the Holy Ghost, and showing a desire to keep God’s commandments.
• Understanding that the Lord will always love His children—even when they
make a mistake and yield to old cravings. Repentance and the road to recovery are
always available.”
https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-
can-i-improve-my-teaching-skills?lang=eng
See Also this list of excellent articles that Professor Sandberg gathered:
James M. Harper, “Secret Shame: Isolation from Self,” a talk given at
the 2003 BYU Cyber Secrets conference, Cyber Secrets: The Problem of
Pornography, 18 February 2003, youtube.com/watch?v=kzNKTOPVKZM.
Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005, 87–90.
Boyd K. Packer, an address given at the priesthood session of general
conference, 2 October 1976, and published in a pamphlet,To Young Men
Only (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,
1976).
Richard G. Scott, “To Be Free of Heavy Burdens,” Ensign,November 2002,
86–88.
The Church of Jesus Christ, Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts,pamphlet
(2006), lds.org/bc/content/ldsorg/content/english/family/family-well-
being/combatting-pornography/pdf/LetVirtueGarnishThyThoughts.pdf.
We must teach our loved one that she is a Child of God, of infinite worth. We
can give her tools to overcome addictive behaviors and help her want to avoid the
ugly and negative, and fill her brain with the finest and best. In one sense, each
of us struggles with addictive behaviors in one form or another.
Isn’t it wonderful that the Infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ, who descended below all things, is available to all, to release us from the bondage of addiction.
Please comment with your perspective below. Or at
ideasformypocketcomments@gmail.com.Labels: Spouses--Hope for Addiction, Teenagers--Hope for Addiction
