Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: Work: An Antidote to Mischief and Doubt

Eb had too much time on his hands. A quick learner, he didn’t have to work hard at his studies. He’d earned a scholarship, and lived at home, so had no need to earn his own way. The summer after his mission, all his time was spent getting with old friends and driving around, or wreaking havoc in the Family Room! His mother could not wait for summer to be over!

Ana’s family was well-off. There was no need for her to work either. Never having to work hard at school previously, she didn’t learn a good work ethic. So then, upon finding herself way behind in a difficult science class, she gave up and dropped out. From there, she finished high school online. But one day, she confessed to her mom, “I don’t know if I believe in God.” Filled with doubt, she had no plans for after high school at this point.

Abe lived in a home where the kids knew from the start that they would be required to pay their own way, not only as much of their mission as possible, but also through college. Abe worked. Starting very young, he worked alongside his dad and gradually, grew to be able to do a good job. He spent all of his summers working landscaping or doing yard work and irrigation for neighbors. The summer was not quite long enough for him to earn all he needed to earn! Even during the school year, he kept a lawn mowing job for pocket money to pay his own way. In addition, he studied hard to do well on the ACT and to keep his grades up, for he knew he would need a scholarship to get through college. Abe’s mother had sent other boys on missions, so she knew that on the mission application, Abe would have to spell out what percentage of his mission he had earned himself. They both knew that his mission would mean a lot more to him if he had sacrificed to pay for all he could. Abe spent several Sunday evenings going out with the missionaries, and had already had choice experiences sharing the gospel.

In all three of these stories, the main factor was Work.

Scott was a father of 8, who had lots of experience with young people. Once he shared with me what he had learned, “If young men (people) do not work, they will deny the faith.” He repeated this, and emphasized this literal truth. I thought about this a lot. Young people—especially young men—need to learn the self-motivation to work, the self-discipline required to do a job well, and the self-esteem that comes from paying their own way.

I have wondered why Alma and the 4 Sons of Mosiah went about doing great mischief and creating doubt in those around them. Could it be that with the rise in power of their fathers, they had much affluence and therefore, no need to work? Without work, there is need for something constructive to do and there is no need for God: “All is handed to me, so Who Needs God to provide it?” If they had had to work hard, however, there would have been no time for doing damage. Instead of doubt, there would have been the need of constant prayers for help with the work, and better prosperity. It was later on, when these young men were zealously working to repair the damage that they had done, that they were filled with love for the people and desire to share the gospel on missions!

Ideas Families have Tried:

1. Work at home is incomparable.

Children begin learning to work at home, when very young. The lessons they learn are invaluable. I once had a professor who had written an entire dissertation about housework. Some, she said, send their children outside to play when they clean the house. But they miss the great lessons, and particularly the higher thinking skills to be learned from work at home. For example, in a preschool setting, a young child may be taught about Peas. Peas are Green. Peas are Round. But at home, she learns “We are out of peas, so what shall do? We could go to the store to buy more? Or could we use something else instead? Would beans work or corn?” Life skills are learned doing work at home.

Lily wanted to start teaching her one year-old to work. So every day, she said to her baby, ”Let’s do service!” Then together, they would go and water a flower, or pick up the books. In this way, work is viewed as helping someone. That baby is off to a great start!

When Rosemary had very young children, she wanted them to learn to help at home, rather than just be assigned. She felt like her children were still too young for assigned chores anyway, but wanted them to develop the attitude of helping the family. When her children would ask to watch a movie or have a popsicle or whatever, she would answer, “First, do one thing to help the family.” Her child would look around and find a garbage needing emptying or a floor needing sweeping, and do it. Rosemary might need to help them do that job, but after a few times, they could do more and more of it alone. What this did, was to get the children to realize that there is much to do at home, and that he or she could help! “That garbage needs emptying and I can do it!”

Rosemary’s next step, now that the children would notice things needing to be done, was to provide Saturday work for them to volunteer to help. “Can we go swimming today?” one might ask. “Well, look at all this work I have. I need to clean the whole house to get ready for Sunday,” she would answer, “I can take you swimming after it is all done, but it may take me a long time.” “I can help,” the child would say. “That is a great idea! It would get done faster that way!” was her reply. And soon, the kids saw the need to help clean the whole house on Saturdays together.

As her children continued to grow up, Rosemary and her husband Pete decided to develop a family economy. Pete built a board with each child’s name on it and a series of jars. Each day, when the child had done his chore, he received a pebble in his jar. Rosemary decided not to make the kids do the work each day, but to learn to work in order to receive the reward. (The kids had other responsibilities expected of them before school and after meals that taught them to help the family.) At the end of the month, the pebble could be traded in for a quarter. (Older kids would gradually earn 2 or 3 quarters per pebble.) At that point, Rosemary, helped the kids divide their quarters into four different containers: 10% for tithing, 20% for saving, 20% for mission fund, and 50% for fun. This system worked well in this family, to help them learn to work and to manage the reward.

Some Saturdays, Ginny makes a list of chores on a piece of paper for her kids to check off when they are finished. Sometimes she puts the jobs on a popsicle stick and each child puts their sticks in a jar or a pocket when done. Sometimes the family works together, room by room, with a different person giving out assignments to get that room cleaned. She has found that the variety helps with the motivation to get the jobs done.

Work brings satisfaction, even happiness. Earning their own and Paying their own way brings a child a wonderful sense of pride and confidence.

Ether 10:22-28 mentions work 8 times. In verse 27, for example, it reads, “they did work all manner work of exceedingly curious workmanship!” So they were creative in their work. The footnotes on the page for the word work, read “Skill” and “Art.” Work helps us learn skills and creative arts. Then in verse 28 is the consequence for all this work: “And never could be a people more blessed than were they, and more prospered by the hand of the Lord.”

Janine Brady described the value of work this way:

“If you’re bored and felling tired, If you’re life seems uninspired,

Do a little work, Do a little work, Do a little work!

You can make the lazies go, with a little muscle so

Do a little work, Do a little work, Do a little work!

If you cry the whole day through, if your heart is broken too.

Do a little work, Do a little work, Do a little work!

Troubles you will soon forget when your brow begins to sweat,

Do a little work, Do a little work, Do a little work

“Work, work, work, you’ll improve your appetite

Work, work, work, and you’ll soundly sleep and night

Work, work, work, learn to strive with all your might

So you’ll come to know.

Work, work, work, is a blessing in disguise

Work, work, work, you will do it if you’re wise

Work, work, work, and you’ll come to realize

The worth of work!”

“Work” from the Standin’ Tall Series by Janine Brady

3. Sometimes work must be invented.

A child’s work could be anything that requires effort: his English or Math, his trumpet or his drums, the garden or the bathroom. But sometimes, parents must get creative to provide work for their children to do.

Julie B. Beck was searching for a way to teach her three children to work. Since they were a smaller family, there was not a lot of housework. There were no younger children to supervise and watch over. They had no farm animals for her children to care for, nor farm crops for her children to tend. How could she teach her kids to work? Sister Beck decided that her children would be serious piano students. She provided lessons and sat down with them at the piano at first, and she required hours of practice each week. In this way, they could learn hard work and the law of the harvest. Sister Beck, Conversations. Episode 15. Mormon Channel. http://www.mormonchannel.org/conversations/15

In “My Dad was a Carpenter,” the author tells of straightening tons of nails. He spent hours hammering those bent nails back into shape. My father didn’t need to reuse those nails, he realized much later, but he needed to keep me busy and teach me to work!

From the time my husband Mark was 9 years old, he was like an only child. His 6 brothers and sisters were all much older and had long since married and moved out. When he was 15, his mother and father bought a home in Pinedale. This home had literally tons of junk strewn all across the acre of land that required hauling away. It still had old food in the cupboards, and was completely rundown. Mark and his Dad spent entire summers redoing every part of that home and yard. There was a huge lawn to mow, fencing to paint, and more junk to haul! This project took Mark away from the mischief of his friends and chasing of many girls! He thought his parents were buying a cabin get-away, but instead they were raising a boy. To this day, Mark can fix anything. He knows how to work hard and to tackle a big project. I am so grateful for wise parents that provided this for him!

4. Praise and honor hard work

I was taught from a little child to ask for jobs. “Job Please” we were taught to say. So it was what I knew, and what I taught my kids. “I think we can get this room cleaned up with 3 Job Pleases each,” I’ll tell my kids. If a child or two of them does not come right away, I will announce, “If anyone has not started, they must do 4 job pleases.” That will get them to run and begin, before I finish my announcement!

Jill decided to make work a wonderful thing in her family. In family prayers, she gave thanks for Daddy’s hard work to provide for them each day. She watched for times she could say to one of her children, “You are a good worker!” “ I can tell you are growing up, as you are getting good at this job!” or “I didn’t even have to ask you!”

5. Work reduces the attitude of entitlement.

Sometimes there develops in children, particularly those in affluent families, that “I deserve anything I want!” The world of fast food and credit cards that teach us to buy now and pay later reinforces this attitude. Having kids work and earn their own diminishes this way of thinking.

Tera could not afford the $30 for a new game her family wanted, and she told her children so, when they asked for it. “But you could all work together to earn it!” she told them. When each of her 3 kids earned a dollar or two at a time, they put it in an envelope—after tithing—to save for their game. The first week, enthusiasm was high and a lot was earned. But it died a bit as time went by. Tera would ask a bored child, “Don’t you want to earn that game?” “Oh, yes!” It took awhile to earn that much money, but it taught the kids about perseverance and working hard to earn something over time, rather than having it now!

Mandy found that on days off from school, her children felt like they deserved to play. “It’s my day off, I should get to play all day!” they would tell her. But Mandy felt like this was a chance to catch up on household and backyard projects and work, to organize and clean, to regroup for the next big push at school. The family decided to work half a day and then play the second half. Working together was not so bad, they would discover, as they could talk together and joke and sing as they picked weeds or cleaned the basement, deep cleaned or painted the back fence. They knew a fun activity was going to happen later, and everyone loved the results of the hard work. Soon, it became a given at there house that half a day was for work, then half a day for fun.

Part of the daily summertime routine in the Terry Household was Spring Cleaning. Every mid-morning, Tasha would pick a project such as a closet to clean out or a shelf in the pantry to organize and divide it into pieces. Her kids could pick which part to help with. One of the more fun days was when each person chose a silk plant to bring out to the trampoline and spray off with water. (They could cool themselves off then too!) Then when it dried, each one brought hers back in, to the right spot in the house. They looked fresh and the house was that much more clean!

The take away from this post? A Parent’s job is to: Require work, Work alongside a child til self-motivated, and promote a good Self-Concept. “You are a good worker” we can say. Or “I can tell that you are growing up! You are starting to do this so well.” What a gift we give a child when he sees himself as a good worker!