Teaching Children When
Don’t our little girls
love “Frozen?” A movie about two beautiful
sisters who truly love and sacrifice for each other! Our boys love it too. I can’t count how many times I have heard
mine sing Elsa’s refrain, “Let it Go, Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore.” Within the last week, I heard my petite little
just-turned two-year old friend also singing “Let it go! Let it go!!”
In the movie, Elsa’s
situation required some letting go, to be able to learn to understand and
control her own gift. But of course the
tiny ones can’t understand her complex situation, though they love the dramatic
song so much. And since they are going
to sing it so much, surely we should talk to them about what they are repeating. Taken separately from the movie, what is the
song actually saying?
If you think about it,
there are two different ways to “Let it Go,” one good and one bad. We moms need to teach our kids about both and
steer them to adopt in their lives the good way of letting it go! There are definitely times and things to let
go of, and if we talk these things over, our kids will learn to let go of these
and not the wrong things. We need to
teach them very young when to let go and when to hold fast and firm. If we explain, they will have the power to
see their way through.
1. Talking It through
Kate & Jeff took a
sheet of paper and made two columns.
They had their kids think of and list times it was good to Let it Go,
and times it was not. Kate & Jeff
let there be some silence as their kids thought about it, and came up with more
and more examples.
On their list to Let
Go were: Anger, Grudges, Contention, Bad
Habits, Pride, Hurt Feelings, Coveting, Envy, Shyness, Inhibitions, Emotions.
On their List to Not
Let Go: Temper, Appetites, Passions, Self-Control, Discipline, Obedience,
Loyalty, etc.
Kate & Jeff read
scriptures with their kids to support both lists and gave examples from their
own lives about both times. They ended
by bearing testimony of God’s Plan of Salvation for His children and how badly
He wants them to come home to Him, as well as how happy He is, and how happy we
are when we choose the right way to live.
They followed up by making a thumbs up sign with a big smile and a
thumbs down sign with a frown whenever their kids would sing, “Let it Go” to
remind about the good and bad times to let things go.
2. Good times to “Let it Go.”
There are plenty of
things we want to let go: bitterness,
hate, envy, grudges. We want to let go
of being judgmental. Bad habits, small
and large, need to be let go.
Some of these things
are hard to let go. But forgiveness
brings such peace into our lives. Suspending
judgment fills our hearts with empathy and love. And letting go of addictions gives us such
power and growth in confidence.
Just how does one give
up an addiction that has a hold as tight as a chain? Only through our Savior Jesus Christ. He is the Way and the Only Way. In Mosiah 29:20, we read,
“But behold, He (our
Creator Jesus Christ) did deliver them because they did humble themselves
before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of
bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the
children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust
in him.”
Notice that our Loving
Savior uses His power to help stop addiction IN ALL CASES! He is not particular. We must merely get to the point that we
humble ourselves and cry mightily unto Him to deliver us.
Letting go of these
things means letting go of misery, and being filled with joy and peace.
3. Bad times to Let It Go!
Every one of us comes
into this life Selfish. It is the
natural man. We look out for ourselves until we gradually learn to see another’s
point of view. We are taught in Mosiah 3:19,
“For the natural man
is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever
and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off
the natural man.”
Because of this
tendency, there are many things we have to hold back: our tempers, our appetites, our
passions. When a child is tempted to
steal something that belongs to someone else, for example, he must fight that
desire to take that thing. When our
student daughter is tempted to just let go and sleep in rather than go to
class, she must learn to fight that pillow! We parents have to battle constantly our own longing
for a nap or urge for an outburst, and instead be patient with our little ones
who need us over and over to be loving and kind. These are urges we don’t want to Let Go!
Remember the story of
the sister missionary who had mash potatoes spit at her and thrown into her
hair?
"'My companion and I
saw a man sitting on a bench in the town square eating his lunch. As we drew
near, he looked up and saw our missionary name tags. With a terrible look in
his eye, he jumped up and raised his hand to hit me. I ducked just in time,
only to have him spit his food all over me and start swearing the most horrible
things at us. We walked away saying nothing. I tried to wipe the food off of my
face, only to feel a clump of mashed potato hit me in the back of the head.
Sometimes it is hard being a missionary because right then I wanted to go back,
grab that little man, and say, ‘EXCUSE ME!’ But I didn’t.’”
This girl wanted to
turn and say a thing or two to that irate man who treated her so rudely. But she held back. What if she had Let it Go, and “laid into him?”
What would have been the result?
As it was, with her forbearance, she joined the ranks of the valiant who
have suffered for the Lord’s sake. Jesus Christ tells us, “no one can assist in
this work except he shall be humble and full of love,..being temperate in all
things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care.” Doctrine & Covenants
12:8.
Another example is the
person with homosexual tendencies that so bravely holds back desires and fights
passions. This person must know that he
or she is doing the right thing by NOT Letting it Go! He or she should be praised for the valiant
fight!
Satan wants our kids
to let all inhibitions go, close off their consciences, and give in to the
temptations of drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, or premarital sex. But in all cases, the devil—sooner or later—makes
that person who tries this new thing fall hard.
Every time.
From very young, our
children need to be taught to fight, to stand up for the truth and not back
down. We want to teach them when to be
steadfast, firm and even immovable in their fight, and never give in!
4. Teach them
We must teach our
children the right way of Letting it Go, and the wrong way! They will certainly know and sing these words
over and over, so they must know what they are singing! When my own young boys sing, “Let it Go, Let it
Go. Can’t hold it back anymore..” they
must know how to apply these words in the good sense!! They can learn, but only if we teach
them.
If we lovingly take a
Family home Evening night, when no one person is singled out, but the whole
family is taught these truths, they will learn.
We can help them be smarter than temptation, knowing which traits and
tendencies to Let Go and which to hold firm and strong! And remember, even that little guy who is
rolling on the floor is hearing more than we realize, especially the heartfelt
experiences and warnings expressed.
Another way to teach
this is to replace some lyrics.
After hearing her kids
sing it over and over, Alyse looked up the lyrics to “Let it Go.” She found phrases such as:
“test the limits and
break through”
“No right, no wrong,
no rules for me”
“That perfect girl is gone!”
Alyse pointed these
out to her kids at the dinner table one day.
The family talked about what they meant, and she urged her kids to be
smart about what they were singing.
Music, she taught them, has a direct pathway to our brains. The words stay with us and become us. We have to realize what we are singing, and
not let those phrases penetrate.
Together, the family made up some substitute words:
Set my limits and stay
true
There’s right and
wrong, so right’s for me
That perfect girl,
come on! Etc.
It was these words Alyse
sang with their little ones.
Mattie had a group of
14-year old girls that would belt out this song at the top of their lungs when
she took them home from mutual. She
realized that the words could be taken in different directions, so she
determined to gather the church group of teenagers together and have a fun game
night on the “Frozen” theme, complete with ice sculptures and shaved ice Italian sodas, ending with a more serious discussion about the song.
By teaching our
families to let go of hatred, pride, envy, and bad habits, yet hold tight and
not compromise tempers, appetites, passions, and worldly tendencies, we can
help them to feel good about being smarter than the natural man that we fight!
Labels: Children--When to Let it Go; Children--Standing Firm
