Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: A “Birth-day” Party: Preparing for Baby Brother or Sister

When we were expecting our second baby, the hospital where we were going to deliver had a special program for the new baby’s siblings. They called it a “Birth-Day” Party! Our little toddler girl got to go to the hospital for a celebration. She saw the place where her Mommy would soon go, and the little cribs where the new baby would be. (Then, later when she came to this hospital again, it would not be an unfamiliar place. She had some preparation for the big arrival.) To top off the experience, she got a piece of birth-day cake! She left thinking what a wonderful place the hospital was!

It’s a huge adjustment to get a new brother or sister. Especially for the one who has been the center of everybody’s attention!! But wise parents can do things to help the transition to brother or sisterhood!

1. Celebrate the New Arrival that's coming!

The “Birth-day” party was not offered at other hospitals we used later on, so with each new birth, we came up with our own birth-day party. A week or two before the expected delivery, we would take our youngest child down to the hospital to see where Mommy was going to stay and where the baby beds were. We would talk up the new adventure! And we would had a special “birth-day” treat afterward (although I don’t think we called it that—it would have been too confusing for our child). We built up enthusiasm, and gave our child a preview to ease in to the new experience.

Jim and Ellen liked to provide their child with a new Baby Doll of her own, (or a stuffed animal for their son). That way, when Mommy cuddled the new baby, she or he had something new to cuddle too!

2. Teach a toddler to be gentle.

Another part of prepping for the new baby is to teach gentleness. A toddler may not know to treat a baby with a soft touch, and it may take practice! He may even be inclined to hit! “Be soft,” we liked to say, and practice, with a doll or with some other baby. We’d couple the words with the gentle strokes that we would expect him to use. And of course we’d praise wholeheartedly any progress in being soft!

3. Don’t Push the Sibling out the Crib too soon.

Having a new baby join the family is enough of a change. If we kick big brother or sister out of the crib at the same time, it removes some of the security from his life. Toddlers spend a lot of time in their cribs, and it is their own special place of security and comfort. Also, it is safe. A “big girl” bed doesn’t usually have the slats of protection, and many a child has fallen out during the night, or started to. Even with a chair or a wall next to it, which is a good idea, it is a big step in a little one’s life-- one to have happen way before or way after the other big changes in her life, such as a new baby in the family.

Tom and Susan worked hard to make sure their toddler had a smooth changeover to a big bed. If needed, they would borrow an extra crib for the other baby temporarily, in order to let their toddler transition slowly. In fact, Tom and Susan set up both their son’s crib and his toddler bed in the same room. That way, he could choose when he was ready to make the change. Susan told him that when he was old enough to go to the new bed, that meant he must stay in it. She did his nighttime routine that included a story and prayers and all the good-nights. If he were to get out of bed after the nighttime routine was finished, then she would tell him he was “not quite ready” and must stay in the crib a bit longer. When he chose the new bed, and stayed in it all night, it was a cause for celebration! With a choice for him, and plenty of time to do the transition, they could do it early enough—before he had learned to climb out of the crib by himself!

Potty training is another big milestone that is better if not implemented the same time as a new baby’s arrival.

Saul and Ramona found that sometimes there were some setbacks in their toddlers, after a new baby. If their toddler suddenly wet her pants or wanted back in the crib for awhile, they did not stress unduly over it. They knew that it was temporary and that she would once again act her age soon.

The bottom line is not to make the older one have to grow up too fast.

4. Keep older brother or sister busy and happy.

Demi tried to prep for feeding time with her new baby. She would get a special toy or two—something to put together, such as Legos, worked well. Demi them put this toy up high and only got it down at nursing time. The toy was new and exciting again, and was a welcome diversion for her!

Felicia saved up Fingerplays and Songs to sing while she nursed the baby. She spent that time with Storybooks for her toddler too. The point was to make nursing time something to look forward to. At one point when her arms were both full, she even stuck out her toes, for her toddler to use them for “This Little Piggy!”

5. Give Extra attention.

When Trevor was born, two year old Tyson was sick with a cold. He had to keep his distance from new little brother. But it worked out well for Trevor to get extra time with Daddy! In fact, Daddy and Trevor became great buddies!

Sonya made a point of giving the baby’s just older sibling some extra time. Now that she had her lap back, she would pull her toddler onto it for extra loves. When the baby slept, she could give some undivided attention to him too. Sonya might make a point of taking her older one on an outing—just the two of them. It was cementing the fact that Mommy still loves me too!

Samantha noticed that everyone would bring gifts over for her or for the new baby! Poor 2-year old Tricia felt left out! Samantha began putting something new in a gift bag for big sister Tricia too, and would slip the package to her. That way Tricia was part of the celebration as well!

6. Mommy has a Special helper!

Patti found that it worked well to give her toddler a special job to do, to make him feel important and needed! She assigned her toddler to be the one who goes and gets the diaper or the wipes or the blanket when Mommy needed it. After such a great job, he got lots of praise for being so grown up!

Gina had her young daughter be in charge of picking up the binky and washing it when it fell out. She set up a stool near the sink so Sissy could do her job. That way, Gina could praise her up and down for being such a good helper and such a great big sister!

Helping a sibling adjust helps the whole family with this transition time. Soon, the big brother or sister you have helped adjust will hardly be able to remember a time without the new baby in his or her life!