Choo Choo Choose to Train!

The Non-negotiables!

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.”  Proverbs 22:6

“My kids may say I’m sorry, but they don’t really mean it!”  Through the years, I have often heard parents say this.  They wonder if it does any good to have their kids apologize.  My response has been to think about manners:  If we wait to expect our kids to say “please” and “thank you” until they mean it, then it is too late to teach the habit.  First, we train them to say the right thing, then later, the right feeling will come.  There will come a point when your child really feels gratitude for giving him that ride to school or getting her that item at the store.  But saying “Thank You” will have already been in place for years, until the feeling behind it catches up!

“They don’t understand prayers yet!”  A parent may say, “I’ll wait until they understand what they are doing.”  That’s way too late!  It’s okay that they don’t understand it.  (Although kids probably know more than we guess!)  A child can start praying as a baby, and then, he won’t remember a time when he didn’t pray before bed!  A little later, he can learn about God the Father who is listening to those prayers.  Mom or Dad  can prompt him of things to be grateful for and to ask, but already, the Prayer is in place.  The child has been Trained Up in the way he should go!  You, the parents, have given your child a choice gift for a successful life!



It’s the same with saying, “I’m Sorry!”  Later will come the real feelings of remorse and Godly sorrow for doing wrong.  But by then, your child will have already learned the practice of going to the person she offended and apologizing.
  
Training is different than forcing.  For one, it starts way young--earlier even then “Terrible Twos” is ideal!  It is setting a pattern for a virtuous, happy life.

Ideas Families Have Tried:

1. “OK Mom, OK Dad!”

Every parent wants obedient children.  From early on, we can train our children to respond to our requests positively.  We simply give them the responses we want them to think.

When Mary asked her kids to take over their dishes from the table, Ron immediately prompted, “OK Mom!”  When Ron said, “It’s time for bed,” Mary quickly answered, “OK Dad!”  Day after day, they supported each other while training their kids to obey quickly and consistently. 

Mary would ask the kids to pick up the toys, and since Ron wasn’t home, she would prompt, “OK Mom!” herself.  She even made up a song: 

“When it’s time for naps, say ‘OK Mom!’ ‘OK Mom!’  ‘OK Mom!’
When it’s time for baths, say “OK Mom!”
Just Like That!

“Mommy knows what’s best for me. 
Honor and respect she’ll get from me.
I’ll always treat her lovingly.
Just Like That!

“When it’s time to eat, say ‘OK Dad!’ ‘OK Dad!’ ‘OK Dad!’
When it’s time for bed, say ‘OK Dad!’
Just Like That!

“Daddy knows what’s best for me. 
Honor and respect he’ll get from me.
I’ll always treat him lovingly.
Just Like That!”

The idea was to train their kids to immediately respond with obedience.

What if a child didn’t mind?  Well, they would deal with that with the discipline they had in place.  But regardless, the thought process was instilled in their minds, and the natural pattern of obedience was in place.

Lance and Jill found another way each parent could support the other.  It was teaching respect.  Lance would require his children to always speak respectfully to Jill.  And Jill expected them to always speak respectfully to Lance.  If a child even started to talk a little disrespectfully to one of the them, she was quickly corrected by the opposite parent.  The kids all grew up trained from the start to honor their parents with respect.

2. Habits and Routines.

“Healthy habits give them a flying start.”

Gidget would give her 6-month old babies a toothbrush to chew on, almost as soon as they had teeth!  She wanted them to have the habit of daily brushing before bed before it was even necessary!

Tamra decided to place her toddlers on the toilet before every bath, way before they were ready to potty train.  She would hold them there securely, and lavishly praise, making it like a game!  It was something fun to do before their bath—just like the bigger kids!  This gave the child a habit, and helped them not be afraid of the toilet!  By the time they were ready to actually go in the toilet, the habit was in place.



Tilly put together a bedtime routine for her babe in arms.  She thought of all the habits she wanted her young baby to develop, and put them into the plan for each night.   Writing it all down, she posted the list in the bathroom, so that this would become a habit for both to remember—and a babysitter too. She included telling Daddy good night, brushing teeth, a Primary-song lullaby, and even a bedtime book.   This signaled to her child that it was time for bed (not just naps).  And almost from day one, her little one “prayed” before bed, Tilly being the voice! 

3.  Non-Negotiables.

Parents can decide what are the pillars in their home that are never left undone!  Family Prayer for example can be a constant that is never up for discussion.  It never has to be re-decided, and is always a foundation for a happy life. 



Family Home Evening was a constant in Elizabeth and Dan’s home.  Even before the children started coming, they held a short FHE, even if it consisted of a spiritual thought and then studying together at the library!  Later, when Dan was starting his own business and had deadlines that occasionally required a whole Monday evening at the warehouse, Elizabeth had to get creative.  In fact, one Monday night, when sick kids were asleep before Dan could get back, it was simply impossible to have it.  So, the next morning, when the family was sitting at the breakfast table, she opened up a story from the Friend and read it to them.  “This is our Family Home Evening this week!” she announced to the kids.   She simply didn’t want them to ever remember a week when they weren’t obedient and consistent.  She learned that on hectic weeks, just about anything could “count” as FHE, as long as everyone knew that This is FHE, and we have it every week no matter what!

Conversely, the minute we parents DO start to re-decide a constant family practice, we are opening doors we may not want to open:

A certain young man “could remember the very day, even the very hour, that his
family—father, mother, and four children—left the Church, many never to return
again in this life. He was 13 years old, a deacon, and in those days families attended Sunday School in the morning and then sacrament meeting in the afternoon. On a beautiful spring day, after returning home from Sunday morning worship services and having a midday family meal together, his mother turned to his father and asked simply, “Well, dear, do you think we should go to sacrament meeting this afternoon, or should we take
the family for a ride in the country?” 

The idea that there was an option to sacrament meeting had never occurred to him), but he and his three teenage siblings all sat up and paid careful attention.
That Sunday afternoon ride in the country was probably an enjoyable family activity, but that small decision became the start of a new direction which ultimately led his family away from the Church with its safety, security, and blessings and onto a different path. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/continually-holding-fast?lang=eng&media=audio

The Richards family were often away from home on family trips during the summer.  Even in these circumstances, attending church was a given.  From the time they were little, the children knew they would be expected to go to the church in a different community.  If he or she were nervous about a new class, a child could go with a brother or sister to their class.  But before long, the child began to look forward to the new kids he would meet and new things he could experience.  In fact, one summer, Robbie Richards, age 10, learned that he could feel the Spirit in a Spanish Sunday School class, even if he couldn’t understand the Spanish! 


Is attending church something that you want to be a Constant, a pillar in your children’s (and grandchildren’s) lives?  Then make it truly Non-negotiable.  

4. “In Our Family, we...” 

It’s a good thing to tell our kids, “That’s what we do in our family.”  This phrase brings them not only good patterns of living, it also brings a sense of identity, unity, and security. 

“In our family, we learn the Piano,” Susan would tell her kids.  “This is something I want to give you, the gift of music.  It is simply who we are.”  If a child were struggling with that, Susan may adjust her expectations somewhat, but she does not budge otherwise.  She, nor her family, can find anyone who wishes that they did NOT continue with the piano!  “Another family may not feel the same, but in our family, this is just what we do.”

“In our home, we have 1 Hour of Quiet Time” Marti insists.  With a house full of little kids and interruptions in her night sleep, it is an imperative. In fact, this is how Marti stays sane—she only has to manage half a day at a time, because there is a break in the middle of it! As the kids grow, she no longer requires them to fall asleep, but provides a stack of library books instead.  Each member of the family knows that they must stay in one place and read quietly for one hour (until the timer rings) each day that they are home during the middle of the day.  (And if anyone moves or is noisy, the timer starts over!)

5. Children learn what they constantly live.  An upbringing of expected honesty, will lead to a life of integrity.  An upbringing where kindness is modeled will bring a lifetime of compassion.  A child who has happy memories of Family Home Evenings will likely want the same for his family.  And a child who prays will turn to God throughout her life. 
 Sometimes we unknowingly Train Up our Children just by how we live.  A good example of this is the way we honor our parents.   The way we parents treat our own parents is how our children will treat us someday.

Hal and Carli distanced themselves from Hal’s Parents.  They were polite, but avoided the get-togethers, and the informal visits.  When their young daughter grew up and married, she and her new husband took this upbringing a step farther.  They would not have anything to do with her parents.  In fact, her kids hardly knew their grandparents.  This robbed their children of that association.  

Conversely, young Jed grew up with his Grandmother living in their home.  One day, out of the blue, he said to his Mom and Dad, “When I grow up, I am going to take care of you, just like you take care of Grandmother!”  They had not said a word about that to Jed, but he had learned what they lived.  What goes around, truly comes around!




If we parents have grown up living something less than ideal, we can be Chain-breakers.  We have the power, with God’s help, to give our children a better life than even we have experienced, by setting righteous, happy patterns and training them with love.

As we train, we must remember to do it with love.  In fact, love is a real key:  "If you can only convince your children that you love them, that your soul goes out to them for their good, that you are their truest friend, they, in turn, will place confidence in you and will love you and seek to do your bidding..But if you are selfish and unkindly to them, and if they are not confident that they have your entire affection, they will be selfish, and will not care whether they please you or carry out your wishes or no, and the result will be that they will grow wayward, thoughtless and careless, and although you may drill them, like a parrot, to repeat versese..and all that sort of thing, they will do it mechanically, without affection, and without its having effect upon their souls that you desire it should have."                                                                                                   Joseph F. Smith


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