Teaching our Children
About Same-Sex Attraction
The world has been given license to bring same-sex attraction out
in the open, and let people live a homosexual lifestyle
openly. Our children will hear more and
more at school and on the media, that this is a natural lifestyle for
some. They may even be taught to look
for same-sex attraction tendencies in themselves that are not there! We must fortify them at home. What they hear first at home—if they are
taught early enough (ideally before age 8-11)--they will believe. They will then know how to respond to what
they hear.
This is Key: First,
we must teach our children right from wrong, and then we can teach them to love
all people. Second, we cannot assume
that they know right from wrong until we have taught it to them.
Our kids must now understand what same sex attraction means.
Ideas Families Have Tried:
Jim and Eloise taught their children simply, “A Lesbian is a
woman who wants to marry another woman.”
They also touched on the word Gay, that it has two meanings: one is to
be happy, and one is when a man wants to marry another man. They told them what the acronym LBGT means as
well. It occurred to Eloise that maybe
their young children don’t even know what the word Sex means. And they might be
too shy to ask. So she decided to equate
it with the word Gender, to help this
discussion.
Jim & Eloise didn’t want to overdo it, thus promoting
curiosity and undue attention to alternative lifestyles. They wanted their kids to understand and be
aware of what they most likely will hear at school, but not dwell on it, nor
feel overly preoccupied with it. They
simply wanted to teach the truth. We
know that homosexual behaviors are
wrong, they were quick to add, for the Lord has told us
through his prophets in the words of the Family Proclamation, that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.” https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng. Eloise and Jim
wanted to mainly focus on teaching marriage and ideal families that live
as God has ordained. While loving all those who don't live the ideal, we still strive for the ideal.
1. Teach Core Principles.
Cal and Rochelle felt that it was important in this world
that teaches Situational Ethics, to teach Absolute Truths that do not
change. God is the Same, Yesterday,
Today, and Forever. See 2 Nephi
27:23.
Here are some Absolute Truths they chose to teach:
I Am Created in the
Image of God.
Heavenly Father is a loving Father who created me, and wants
me to be happy. “ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male
and female—are created in the image of God.”
Our bodies are special, because they are like God’s. He created us to be a girl or a boy and to
someday become like Him and have resurrected perfected bodies. https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
God planned for us to live in families,
made up of a man and
a woman who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.
The Natural Man is an
Enemy to God.
All have Weaknesses.
When Adam fell, all things in our world including us became
fallen or “natural man” with weaknesses and flaws that we must overcome. A person may have a different weakness than
I. See Mosiah 3:19
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from
the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the
enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a
saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child,
submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all
things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth
submit to his father.” Mosiah 3:19
The Thomas’ used this analogy: A person may have trouble with Anger. He may have a bad temper, and at times,
become very angry. Then, he may say
things that are hurtful, or even harm others.
He must recognize that this is a weakness that he must overcome. He must work hard and fight the natural man
within that wants to lash out in anger. Just like Jesus took up and carried His
cross, everyone must “take up their cross”—take on what is hard to
overcome. “And he said to them all, If
any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily,
and follow me.” Luke 9:23
This will help them to understand that same sex attraction, while including thoughts and feelings that are not chosen, requires that behaviors must be controlled. (see #8 below)
Jesus suffered the
Atonement for all so that we can act.
Satan may tell someone that this is just how he is, that he has no choice. “I am Born that Way.” Yes, there are tendencies and attractions that we cannot help, but we can choose how we act.
But what does the Savior tell us?
--To Act, rather than be Acted Upon. “And the Messiah cometh in the fullness of
time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that
they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good
from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon.” 2 Nephi 2:26.
We are all born with weaknesses and genetic imprints that we did not choose. But our behaviors we can choose, and
so we need to bring them in line with what is heavenly. This is Acting, rather than just being acted
upon. With the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can break chains of
bondage.
The Parsons used the idea that a person may have a genetic
tendency towards Depression. When it is
diagnosed, he wouldn’t just say “This is how I am!” He would get help, and do the daily fight to
live as normal a life as possible. He
would not just give up.
I can Love All People
We, like the Savior, love all people. Even if we don’t agree with how someone is
living, we can still love that person and want their happiness. We even want to protect their rights to
choose how to live, as long as it doesn’t infringe on the right to religious
liberty for all.
Jim & Eloise taught the truths they knew to be
right: the Creation, the Plan of Salvation, the Fall, the Atonement of Christ, and Love for all. They realized that "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1986/10/little-children?lang=enghttps://www.lds.org/general-conference/1986/10/little-children?lang=eng "If ever you have questions," they concluded, "please ask us."
2. Ask Searching Questions.
Steve and Cindy have older kids who have already been
exposed to same-sex attraction. They
chose to encourage a discussion where everyone had a chance to tell what he or
she had been exposed to and how they felt about it. They went around the table to
let each share. Beforehand, Steve and
Cindy had thought about the issue and searched for several days. Having fortified themselves in advance with
scripture and doctrine, and analogies to use, Steve and Cindy could answer
questions and teach truth, careful not to bash someone’s ideas. Striving to develop a comfortable open and
warm environment, they hoped to encourage their kids to bring new questions and
experiences back to the table to talk over whenever.
Later, they decided that it would be an even better
discussion if the teens were challenged to search the subject ahead of time as
well, and decide what they think. Then,
Steve and Cindy’s approach could be, “Well, have you thought about it this
way?”
My Favorite Idea:
3. Teach from Living Prophets.
We have a wonderful tool in our day to teach our families
the truth: The Family: A Proclamation to
the World. It teaches, “Marriage between
a man and a woman is ordained of God and the family is central to the Creator’s
plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
“All Human Beings—male and female—are created in the image
of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as
such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential
characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and
purpose.” https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
Mark and I took one phrase of the Family Proclamation each
Sunday several years ago, and talked about it with the kids, and memorized it
together. This opened doors for some
great family discussions, about what our kids had heard at school and in the
media. It fortified our children with
truths applicable to our day. Later, our
older kids have thanked us for these teachings that became a part of who they
were and what they firmly believe.
We can also teach from General Conference and from the
Ensign magazine. https://www.lds.org/ensign?lang=eng In fact, this month, there are at least
three articles about the family in today’s society.
4. Teach from the Bible.
The Morley’s felt like it was important to teach their kids
from the Bible. Most of the Christian
world professes to believe the bible.
Further, homosexuality is not new. What does the Bible teach us about
Same Sex attraction behaviors?
“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman,
both of them have committed an abomination. .”
Leviticus 20:13, 18:22
“Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the
lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
“Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and
served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
“For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for
even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
“And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the
woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which
is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which
was meet.” Romans 1:24-27
“The shew of their countenance doth witness against them;
and they declare their sin as Sodom, they hide it not. Woe unto their soul! for
they have rewarded evil unto themselves.”
Isaiah 3:9
“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit
of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because
they are spiritually discerned.” 1 Corinthians 2:14
“And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and
sin no more.” John 8:11
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye
have love one to another.” John 13:35
These scriptures are condemning the Homosexual Actions and Behaviors, not the Same Sex Attraction thoughts and feelings that are unbidden.
They also found teachings from the Book of Mormon and the
Doctrine and Covenants: Mosiah
3:19, 16:5, 29:20; 3 Ne. 27:27; D & C 24:2
5. Those at School.
Gyle and Ronda taught their family to “Trust no one to be
your teacher nor your minister, except he be a man of God, walking in his ways
and keeping his commandments.” Mosiah
23:14 They taught their kids that you
can listen to a teacher or friend’s idea without internalizing it and making it
your belief. You can even give that
answer on the test, knowing that you really don’t believe it. Gyle and Ronda gave their kids examples of
ideas we don’t agree with but are taught, such as found in the movie “God is
not Dead” in which a professor gives as his underlying pretense that there is
no God. We hope you will bring home
things you learn, they taught their kids, and talk about them with us, so that
we can figure out whether it is something to trust and to believe.
If textbooks or media or a teacher teaches that homosexual behaviors are okay, we know to not trust that source.
6. Satan’s lies.
Russ and Sally felt like they must expose Satan’s
tactics. Satan wants to turn us away
from God, they taught. He wants us to
find ways to justify our actions and to twist truths. He teaches us to think, “I should be able to
do whatever I want.” And “I am hurting no one but myself.” Russ and Sally then taught that everything we do will affect our society and
our posterity to the fourth generation, “visiting the iniquity of the fathers
upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the
fourth generation of them that hate me.” Exodus 20:5, Mosiah 13:13.
There have been Humanistic Societies throughout the ages
that turn their back on God and His truths.
They raise up Man as supreme, with no need for God or His word. Each of these, including the cities of Sodom
and Gomorrah, the Greeks, the Romans, the Nazis, and several Communist
regimes—Each has fallen to ruin.
7. Responsibility.
Each of us must take Responsibility for ourselves and our
choices. We must be contributing members
of society and contribute to the good of the whole, rather than be only
concerned about ourselves.
The
Handley’s used the following story to teach responsibility: “Let me tell you about a remarkable
individual who took responsibility for his life and made something of himself,
despite humble beginnings. His name is Doctor Ben Carson. Doctor Carson was
born and raised in the poor slums of Detroit. He grew up in a home that had no
father. His mother took the responsibility on her shoulders of raising a
family, and she passed this sense of responsibility on to her son.
“Doctor
Carson said his mother would often say to her children, “Do you have a brain?”
If they answered yes, she would follow up with, “Then you could have thought
your way out of that situation. It doesn’t matter what Johnny or Mary or
anybody else did. You have a brain, so think your way out of problems” (in Mark
Tipton, “Seeing the Big Picture: An Interview with Ben Carson, M.D.,” Saturday
Evening Post, July/August 1999, 50).
“Doctor
Carson related: I began to understand
that I was in control, that I could go anywhere I wanted to go, and that I
could do anything I wanted to do. The only person who really determined or
limited my success was me. Once I understood that, the whole victim mentality
went right out the window. I realized I didn’t have to sit around and wait for
anybody to do anything for me. [“Seeing the Big Picture,” 50–51]
As
a young man, Ben had an extremely bad temper.
Once when he was mad at someone, he took his knife and struck at
him! Fortunately, the other boy was not
hurt since the knife struck his belt buckle, but Ben was so amazed and so
ashamed of himself that he had done that! He ran home and prayed and prayed and
begged God to take this anger away from him.
He refused to leave until it was gone!!
Jesus and His Atonement changed and strengthened Ben, and he was able to
overcome this terrible trait of anger.
We too can turn to the Lord and overcome the Natural Man and rid
ourselves, with His help, from those things we struggle with.
Back to the analogy of Anger to sum up ideas about Same Sex
Attraction. Think about a person who has
a bad temper. If allowed to just “go
with it” whenever he feels anger and lash out, his road rage or violent temper
may cause harm or death to another. We
expect that person to learn to control his anger that it not infringe upon the
rights of another. But we love him
anyway, for we know that we too have weaknesses that we struggle with. It is the same with Same Sex
Attraction. A person may not be able to
choose the thoughts and feelings that come, but he can choose to resist them,
and not act upon them.
We can teach our children: We stand for what is right, and We love all
people.
Need More Ideas?
8. The difference between Thoughts/Feelings and Behaviors.
The Olson family found the following teachings that they decided to adopt. There is a difference between thoughts and feelings, which must be resisted and redirected, and homosexual behaviors, which can be a serious sin, as taught by the First Presidency. “We should note that the words homosexual, lesbian, and gay are adjectives to describe particular thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. We should refrain from using these words as nouns to identify particular conditions or specific persons. Our religious doctrine dictates this usage. It is wrong to use these words to denote a condition, because this implies that a person is consigned by birth to a circumstance in which he or she has no choice in respect to the critically important matter of sexual behavior.
“Feelings are another matter. Some kinds of feelings seem to be inborn. Others are traceable to mortal experiences. Still other feelings seem to be acquired from a complex interaction of ‘nature and nurture.’ All of us have some feelings we did not choose, but the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that we still have the power to resist and reform our feelings (as needed) and to assure that they do not lead us to entertain inappropriate thoughts or to engage in sinful behavior.
“Different persons have different physical characteristics and different susceptibilities to the various physical and emotional pressures we may encounter in our childhood and adult environments. We did not choose these personal susceptibilities either, but we do choose and will be accountable for the attitudes, priorities, behavior, and “lifestyle” we engraft upon them.” Dallin H. Oaks https://www.lds.org/ensign/1995/10/same-gender-attraction?lang=eng
So rather than talk about a Gay person, the Olson family chooses to refer to him as a person with Gay tendencies or Same Sex attraction.
9. Test Truth.
We can Provide a Test our kids can use to determine the
truth of what they hear.
Joel and Tara taught their children about a litmus
test. When a scientist takes a strip of
treated paper and dips it in a liquid solution, it will tell him how acidic or
basic a certain chemical is by what color the strip turns. Similarly, there is a test the Lord has given
us to determine good from evil:
“For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge,
that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may
know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.
“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man,
that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge;
for everything which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ,
is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a
perfect knowledge it is of God.
“But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe
not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect
knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he
persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do
they who subject themselves unto him.
Moroni 7:15-17.
They taught their
kids to ask themselves, “Does this idea or activity bring me closer to Christ?” Further, Joel and Tara applied this test to
books, video games, and movies, helping their kids use the tool to test new
things that came up.
We can use the Family Proclamation as a test of all new trends and teachings as well:
"Little did we realize then how very desperately we would need these basic declarations in today’s world as the criteria by which we could judge each new wind of worldly dogma coming at us from the media, the Internet, scholars, TV and films, and even legislators. The proclamation on the family has become our benchmark for judging the philosophies of the world, and I testify that the principles set forth within this statement are as true today as they were when they were given to us by a prophet of God nearly 20 years ago." Bonnie L. Oscarson https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/defenders-of-the-family-proclamation
10. The Church’s Stand
The Peterson’s wanted to read to their kids the official stand
of their church: “Sexual activity should occur only between a man and a woman
who are married. However, that should never be used as justification for
unkindness. Jesus Christ, whom we follow, was clear in His condemnation of
sexual immorality, but never cruel. His interest was always to lift the
individual, never to tear down.
“In short, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
affirms the centrality of doctrines relating to human sexuality and gender as
well as the sanctity and significance of marriage as the union of a man and a
woman. However,
the Church firmly believes that all people are equally beloved children of God
and deserve to be treated with love and respect...
Labels: Children--Teaching about Same Sex Attraction, Teens--Talking about Same Sex Attraction
