Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: Family Home Evening: Go Ahead and Have it!

“Jason, would you come stand on this chair?” That got his attention! And everyone’s! It was time for Family Night! I handed him a kite and asked him to “fly it high”! “Briana, would you please be the little girl who is flying the kite?” I asked, and handed her the kite string. I then proceeded with the story that they were acting out, about a little girl who loved sending her kite higher and higher into the sky, letting out more and more string to let it dance in the wind. “I wish my kite could fly away free,” the little girl said, “It’s this string that is holding it down!” So she got some scissors and cut the string! (That brought a Gasp from my family!) As soon as she did, the kite came Crashing Down! This is just like Obedience, we then taught our kids. Obeying rules and commandments is like the kite string: It may seem to be holding you back, but in reality, obedience keeps you up, and lets you be happy. It is when we disobey that we crash to the ground and cannot be happy.

Object lessons and role playing are wonderful ways to teach little kids—and big kids too. When we tell something, our kids only use one of their senses to hear it. But whenever they can engage more senses to see, hear, touch, move, even smell and taste, the better is the learning.

But sometimes, it is tricky to teach various ages--to make your lesson apply to the older and the younger ones. The very best thing, I have found, is to often have the teenagers teach the tots! Here is a collection of other ideas for both tots and teens that may be helpful.

Every Monday night, without fail, my teenagers ask Mark and I two questions: 1.“What is for Family Night tonight?” and 2. “How long will it take?”

1. What is for Family Night tonight?

Sometimes, at this point, Mark and I look at each other (with no idea yet, what we are doing that night)! And even if we do have something planned, we don’t want to just say, “We’re just having a lesson.” So, our usual answer is, “We are having a Wonderful Family Night tonight!”

Talk it Over. Ideally, Mark and I would have talked it over ahead, say on Sunday or before, just what our family needs to learn. But if that didn’t happen, I like to call Mark at work and discuss our ideas for FHE. That way we are on the same page, He leads and I prompt and carry out what we talked about.

I have learned to let Mark be the leader in our family. He takes charge of the Family Night, even if I have put the most preparations into it. In fact, I like to ask him ahead what he has noticed that our family needs, for I am in the trenches, and he has often observed something I don’t see. When it’s my turn to teach, I also like to point out Dad’s example of living that principle. For example, I pointed out to them that Dad started reading a book and found some offensive material in it, so decided not to read it—even though it was exciting. The kids wouldn’t even have known that, had I not pointed it out to them!

Set up a Schedule. The Miller family set up a monthly plan for their Family Nights. On the first Monday, they have Family Council, and Dad teaches; On the second Monday, Mom teaches; on the third Monday, one of the kids teach; and on the 4^th Monday, the family does an activity or a service. This way, everyone is on the same page. (When one parent teaches, the other adds comments and insight of course.)

Family Council is a great tool for talking over family issues. Take care to listen carefully to each member’s input. In that setting, treat them with the same respect you would an adult, and they will rise to it and feel, “My input is valuable” and “I can contribute.” Even if you don’t agree, acknowledge their input and validate it with positive comments. These are huge builders of self-confidence, and will bless them immensely as they grow up.

Lessons. In the current “Come, Follow Me” program, our teens teach their peers often. In “Duty to God” and “Personal Progress” programs, they share what they have learned as well. In each case, they will have studied a certain topic and come to understand it better. Suppose Ann just gave a lesson in Young Women’s on Feeling the Spirit. How natural is it for her to then present what she has learned to the family? Parents can emphasize to her how much the family (particularly the younger siblings) needs her valuable insights and experiences feeling the Spirit in her life.

The Tarmen’s ask their teens ahead to teach the Family Night lesson coming up. But if they forget to do it ahead of time, they simply excuse that teen from doing dishes that night, in order to go prepare his lesson. If there is no current lesson he has taught, they assign their teenager to choose one of the standards in “For the Strength of Youth” to present—say Honesty and Integrity--and give his own personal insight about and experience with being truthful and trusted. https://www.lds.org/youth/for-the-strength-of-youth?lang=eng (They will learn it better as they are teaching it! And they are much less likely to grumble!)

Priorities. Sheryl is an experienced teacher of many years, having taught all ages. Whenever she prepared a lesson to teach at church, and her children would ask her what she was doing, Sheryl always told them, “I am preparing my Family Night lesson! I’m going to try it out on the Relief Society sisters first, before I give it in Family Home Evening!” This way, she was telling her children that they were first priority for her teaching!

2. How Long will it Take? When my teenagers invariably ask this, it’s not that they are being rebellious or complaining, they are just busy, and want us to be efficient.

Regrettably, they do have other things that fall on Monday nights. Team Sports, Study groups, Rehearsals, Homework. It is sometimes a delicate balance to respect some of these things that they cannot change, while keeping Family Home Evening a top priority in our lives:

“We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.” https://www.lds.org/liahona/1999/12/letter-from-the-first-presidency?lang=eng But priority doesn't have to mean long. In fact, little children do much better with short lessons that fit their attention span!

Use Dinnertime. Everyone has to eat. Gather at the table, and begin the lesson while they are eating, if necessary. Or quickly remove dirty dishes, and keep everyone together for the Opening song and prayer and lesson. If teens must schedule a study session that night, I ask them to schedule it for 8:30, if possible. Surely all of the students must eat, and can wait til we are finished.

Move FHE to Sundays. Some families, especially those whose kids must be at regular mandatory sports practices, simply move Family Night to Sunday. Without the weeknight conflicts, they have time to be together unrushed. It is definitely a better choice than no FHE at all!

Go Ahead and Have It!

Once Mark had to work late on a Monday night, to meet a deadline, and my little kids had fallen asleep before he got home! When to have Family Night? Well, I caught my family at the breakfast table the next morning. And with Dad’s approval, presented the lesson while they were eating their breakfast! “This is Our Family Night,” I made sure to announce, because I wanted my children growing up knowing that our family follows the prophet and has Family Home Evening every week.

Family Home Evening can be a constant in their lives. It is a time when no one is singled out for reprimand, but all learn principles together. “Preoccupation with unworthy behavior will lead to unworthy behavior,” taught Boyd K. Packer, “That’s why we stress so forcefully the study of doctrines of the gospel.” So rather than point out all the Contention in our home, at Family Home Evening we teach the principle of Peace.

It can be tricky to plan a fun activity for both older and younger kids to do together, but it can be done.

Ultimate Frisbee—We make a rule that each member of the family--even the four-year old--has to touch the Frisbee before a goal can be scored. That way, each—old and young—are important on the team!

Volleyball—Use a large Beach Ball! That way, anyone can hit it high! No need for a net, just tie a rope across the yard or cultural hall. Relax on the rules and have fun hitting the great big beach ball!

Kickball—This is another game all ages can play. To make it more even, have older ones kick with their left foot.

Board games—team up, an older with a younger. Adjust the rules to make it more kid friendly or less competitive.

Charades—all can participate! You don’t hardly have to prepare ahead, although costumes are fun, because you can whisper lines to be said by each character as you go! Try scripture stories or any inspiring story. These will stick!

Paper Airplanes—Try folding them then throwing them off the bleachers at the high school!

Service—Go help Grandma or pick weeds at the church. Help a widow with her yardwork or serve at a food kitchen. (If you spend the evening picking weeds, be sure to have an extra good treat!)

4. Family Night Treat

To a kid, the Family Night treat is a big deal. Come up with something: ants on a log, crackers with something spread on top, frozen grapes or bananas, etc. to call your Family Night treat for that week, and Celebrate Family!

Remember, All Members get a Treat just for Being a Member of the Family! This is not the time to teach about eating all your food before desert—teach that on Tuesday or Wednesday or all the rest of the week, but not with the Family Night Treat!

Family Home Evening is a great time to get together and talk and play and laugh and eat and learn something together. It will be a cherished memory of our families, if we put in the effort to go ahead and have them consistently, and to make them fit our families’ needs! The little one who is rolling around on the floor is getting more than you realize! And the teen who is impatient to get on with his thing can be one of your family’s best teachers!