It Matters what we Say
Jessi hated athletics!
She especially hated running, since she usually came in near the last.
She longed to be like Kathy, who was so confident and cute, and loved to
run!
On the day of the big one mile
running test in PE, Jessi found herself walking out to the track with Kathy, so
she confided in her how much she dreaded this run. “You can do it!” Kathy insisted. Not only that, when Jessi’s heat lined up, Kathy
started running alongside her, telling her what a great job she was doing! Kathy ran the entire four laps with her, encouraging
her the whole time, and Jessi could not believe what a great time she got on
her mile! She could actually do
it—get a good time on a run! What a sacrifice Kathy had made for her, since
she would have been tired for her own lap, in the next heat.
But what a difference that gesture made in Jessi’s
life. With a new confidence that maybe
she could do athletics, Jessi tried out
for the dance team and started to enjoy basketball and volleyball with the Young
Women. She even earned toe shoes in
ballet. Those words of encouragement
changed her life. See https://www.lds.org/new-era/2013/03/running-the-extra-mile?lang=eng
Contrast my dad’s experience. When my father Jay was a young man, growing
up in a very small town, basketball was a huge deal. His older brothers had led their tiny high
school team—that barely had any substitute players—all the way to win state! Well, several years later, when it was Jay’s
turn to play high school basketball, he and his twin brother were so excited to
be on the team. They practiced
constantly. Then one day, a man in the
town came up to my dad and said, “Jay, you’ll never be an athlete like your
brother Jorth, but you’re doing pretty good anyway.” My Dad was totally shocked. “I’m not an athlete?” The thought had
never occurred to him. What was meant to
be a complement was a slam, and my Dad believed it was true.
When I was growing up, I too was afraid of athletics. Whenever I expressed my frustration at home, my
Dad would always say, “It’s my fault that you aren’t that good at sports” or “I’m
sorry, it’s in your genes to not be very good.”
The one remark made to him in passing way back in high school had stuck, and affected
me too. I never thought I was any good,
and I wasn’t. In fact, in Young Women’s
basketball, when I finally made a basket after so many times, the other team
cheered!! I avoided the softball games
at the reunions, because I knew I was no good at it. I had nightmares over the Presidential
fitness tests we were required to take at gym class. The only “C” grade I ever got was in Junior High
PE!
Well, I grew up and married, and my husband would not hear
of it. He simply wouldn’t allow me to
talk about not being good at sports! You
are fine at sports, he insisted! In
fact, he told everyone about the time I had said I wasn’t very good, but then
beat him at bowling. He simply told me I
was a good athlete, and before long, I could actually serve a volleyball over
the net! Or hit a few baseballs with the
kids.
I know of a Grandma who was told she had a funny nose by a
teasing older brother way back when she was a teenager. But to this day, whenever there is a picture
taken, she covers her nose! She believed
what he told her, and even when he later assured her he was teasing, she wasn’t
convinced. The words couldn’t be taken
back. The sad part is that she has a
perfectly normal nose!
It’s amazing what words can do, for good or for bad. The power of words is that they can form what we
believe about ourselves, our self-concept.
In the song, “What are Words” it states, “Words, they never go away.
They live on, even when we're gone.” (by Rodney Jerkins, performed by Chris Medina, and a Piano Guys single as well)
We parents would do good to help our children see themselves
as competent, successful individuals. Their patriarchal blessings and fathers’
blessings prove what good they can do.
The scriptures affirm that each person has gifts given to him (Doctrine
& Covenants 46:11) and we can help our kids figure out what theirs are, by
watching carefully and pointing them out. We must protect them from those who would put
them down or cripple their potential with misplaced words. And we can, from babyhood, tell them how
wonderful they truly are!
Be careful
what you tell your kids, because they will believe you!Labels: Children--What we say matters, Teenagers--Encouraging words