Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: Daddy, My Hero!

Have you noticed how few movies these days have a strong father figure in them? Almost none. The mothers are often strong and capable, but the father figure is often weak or crazy or absent. Though sadly, many families are not blessed with a father, it is still definitely the ideal. Let’s Champion our Dads!! Let’s build them up, praise them profusely in front of the kids, and help them take their lead roles in our homes!

My daughter learned something about a father’s role during her college summer internship for her Family Science major. She helped with the Flourishing Families research project in Seattle, a study of 500 families for over 5 years. Two interns would knock at each door and administer questionnaires and video communication patterns in each family.

She commented to me about an interesting phenomenon that would happen every time. If the family had a single mom, then this mom immediately would look to my daughter and her companion, the interns, to lead out on what to do. But if there were a father in the home, it was very different. From the first, the father would direct and lead. He would tell them to come in, where to sit and how to proceed. My daughter was amazed how universal this response was. These families were a good cross-section of the public--not from one class or religion or economic status. But universally, if there were a father present, he would naturally take the lead, and if there was not a father in the home, the lead was delegated to the interns.

Hearing this experience, it was reaffirmed to me that the inborn role of fathers is to Preside in the Home. I came to realize that this role is God-appointed and appropriate whenever possible.

This does not by any means take from nor demean the mothers’ role. Hers is simply different. In a company, for example, there are critical roles, such as CEO and CFO. Each role carries great responsibilities and importance. They work together to flesh out ideas for the company and both are essential for success. However, in most companies there is one person who has the ultimate say, the CEO. Centuries of experience have shown this to be the easiest and most effective way to lead a company. Business Insider, Richard Feloni, September 19, 2014. So it is in our families. In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” we are taught:

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” https://www.lds.org/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng emphasis added.

Let’s take care to Let Dad Lead. We can support him in his role.

1. Let Dad call to Prayer.

For years, Nancy woke her children up each morning by singing to them. It was a cherished ritual in their family, one that coaxed her children out of bed and to the table to scriptures and prayer before breakfast. Then one day, Nancy and her husband Ted realized that it really was his role to call the family to prayer. So they tweaked their morning routine. Nancy still watches the clock and alerts him when it’s time, if need be, but Ted is the one who calls together the family for their devotional and meal. It is a small thing, but it teaches their family about Dad’s role as head of the home. And Nancy still sings—with all the family at the table!

2. Let Dad lead out in Family Home Evening.

Margo had put together the Family Home Evening that night. She had planned a game and a fun activity, with a little message as well. So she led out and did the whole thing. In fact, Margo often planned the entire FHE alone—until she realized that Dan needed to take his role as head of the home. Though it was usually her who followed through, Margo decided to make an effort to talk over their plans ahead of time. She would ask Dan what he thought the family needed that night, and they would counsel together about it. Margo would offer an idea she had, but would get Dan’s input and suggestions about it. She found that calling him at lunch on Monday was a great time to talk things over!

Then, Monday night, Margo would wait for him to begin. He would call the kids and ask someone to pray. He could announce what they had talked about. It was important to both of them that he carry out his role—and she hers! No one thought either role was above the other—they were certainly equal, yet they were different and necessarily so. But this taught their kids Dad’s role to preside.

3. Let Dad lead out in giving blessings. Let Dad fulfill his priesthood role by giving your family blessings whenever needed.

Tamra was not always sure if her husband Herb used his own thoughts in giving a blessing. But she knew he was trying his best to get the promptings from God, so she decided to believe in every word he said with all her heart. Her faith in Herb as an instrument of God made him become one! Believing him to be a Man of God helped him rise to it!

4. Let Dad give counsel.

Jessi would often tell her kids to “go ask Dad” when they came to her for counsel. She knew Rob was blessed with common sense and would give them sound advice, and she told her kids so. Then once when the advice he gave was not quite what she would have chosen, she still told her kids “You’ll be blessed for following his counsel.” And it was true. See “Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship” https://www.lds.org/liahona/2009/11/fathers-and-sons-a-remarkable-relationship?lang=eng

5. Let Dad roughhouse and play with the kids!

It is so good for kids to physically play with their dad. It teaches young boys appropriate ways to be masculine, and helps both boys and girls feel accepted and loved for who they are. Playing with Dad also helps teach kids proper touch. It keeps their “love bucket” full! “Hugs and kisses, wrestling on the floor, ridding piggy back, and other playful loving touches are vital to the child’s emotional development. Children need many meaningful touches every day..even if you are not a ‘hugger.’” The Five Love Languages of Children. Gary Chapman, Ph.D. and Ross Campbell, M. D. p. 34.

“Loving, consistent parenting helps children accept themselves and their gender identity.” “You can teach them how to be affectionate by hugging or giving them a gentle kiss, listening to a childish story, playing games with them, talking to and touching them gently, and telling them you love them.” https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide

6. Let Dad be a hero in your kids’ eyes.

Raelene took every opportunity she had to compliment Garrett in front of the kids. She would watch for things Garrett did that her kids may not have seen-- his generosity or his helpful hand—and tell the kids about it. When she taught the Family Night lesson, she tried to use an example from Dad’s life. She took opportunity to tell the kids stories from his childhood or his mission, a goal he had reached or a kindness he had shown to the neighbor.

Dee made sure her kids saw her hug and kiss Andrew in the kitchen or when she said good-bye. They made an effort to get away on dates, and tell the kids they needed time together to nurture their love. Dee wanted to give the kids—and Andrew—the message that she adored him. And that would make it true! Dee had read somewhere that the surest prevention of sexual sin is a great example of wholesome love at home. So she set out to show her kids a wonderful example of this.

Though in our world the pendulum may have swung away from a powerful Father in the home, we can make it so in our own homes. Dad can be a Hero here. Our Father in Heaven would be so pleased.