Normal Gender Orientation:



Bonding with Parents is a Key


Is same gender attraction caused by Nature or by Nurture or a combination of both?  We may not exactly know, but regardless, we want to do everything possible to give each of our children a happy, normal life.  If there were something we could do to prevent gender issues, wouldn’t we do it?!


Though the tendency to homosexuality is likely a combination of Genetic Tendencies and Environment, researchers agree there are steps parents can take to lessen Sexual confusion.  Bonding with parents is so very important, and bonding at the right time.


1.  Boys.  When a toddler boy is 2 ½ to 4 years old, he starts to retreat from his attachment to mother and turn to his father more deeply.  “For males, the relationship between a boy and his father is the initial source of developing a secure gender identity.”  The young boy learns about being male, and masculinity.  “As the father spends time with the son, shows interest in the son, and gives the son affirmation and affection, the father imparts to the son a sense of masculinity.  The boy begins to develop a sense of his own gender by understanding himself in relation to his father.”   Julie Harren, PhD., LMFT in Homosexuality 101 http://factsaboutyouth.com/uncategorized/homosexuality-101/  


"We're talking about 2 1/2 years old. This is what they call the gender-identity phase. It's the time when children begin to realize that the world is divided between males and females and that he or she is pressured into identifying with one or the other. If the father is cold, distant, aloof, detached or critical, that doesn't happen properly [to a boy]."  Dr. Nicolosi, president of National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. http://www.religioustolerance.org/hompreven.htm

 

Geneva’s husband was very uncomfortable around her tiny babies, even afraid to take them in his arms!  He was guarded and ill at ease.  “What if I drop him?” he would ask her.  Or, “I don’t like to hold her.  What would I do with her?”  Still, Geneva insisted that he take them, telling him that she needed just a minute in the bathroom, or to get something from the oven.  Geneva read that “even if a father drops his son and cracks his head, at least he’ll be straight.” (Dr. Nicolosi)  She knew that each little baby needed to bond with his father , so she continued to insist.  And gradually, he became more comfortable doing so.


A young boy who does not have a father figure or one who is “safe and welcoming,” does not learn masculinity as well.  Of course, there are other factors involved and perception of what is safe and welcoming plays a role.  But a huge part of developing a secure gender identity is this relationship.


As the boy grows, he learns more from the relationships he forms with other boys.  Early elementary- aged boys are “discovering more about other boys and therefore more about himself as a boy.”  Eventually, around the time of puberty, his attention turns to learning about the opposite gender.  Dr. Harren, facts.


2.  Girls.  For girls the process is the same, however more complex.  Girls learn about femininity by bonding with their mothers.  However, negative perceptions can develop if she observes abuse of her mother or experiences it herself.  Wholesome healthy bonding with her mother, and later on, safe wholesome relationships with her father or father figure will help her develop normally.  Dr. Harren, facts.



Glenton was unsure how to have physical contact with his daughters as they grew and matured.  He tended to hang back and not hug them anymore.  Then, he discovered the side hug!  He would stand at his daughter’s side and gave her a warm hug with one arm.  Everyone felt comfortable, and he could continue to express his love.  When his wife Elizabeth told him how much pre-teen and teenage girls were concerned with how they looked, and needed to be told how pretty they were, he started to take every opportunity.  He tried to watch for chances to comment on his daughter’s outfit or hair—or even her shoes!  Invariably, she would erupt in a smile, and say, “Thanks, Dad!”  Glenton began to feel much closer to them!


 The Bottom Line.


Mothers, give all your babies the attachment they need from day one.  At around age 2 ½, encourage your boys to develop affectionate relationships with their dad--or granddad or uncle.  Let them be rowdy and rough, let them wrestle and do lots of athletics together.  Encourage Dad to tuck his sons into bed.  Give Dad a good report so he can praise and affirm his son’s good behaviors.  In your close relationship with your sons, don’t leave Dad out!  


Let your young son find a good friend or two in early elementary school who is a boy, one who you would want him to emulate.  Inviting over and encouraging potential good friends does him a great service.




Stay close to your girls, and show them how fun it is to be a girl, how wonderful it is to bear children, and how nice it is to dress up for a date with Dad once in awhile. Let them see you reach around your husband’s neck for a good kiss and hug!


Fathers, be a huge part of your young son’s life.  Take him with you whenever you can. Physically play with him.  As he grows, demand responsibility and hard work, but don’t withhold love in your correction.  Give hugs and kisses.  Be warm even as you are masculine.
 

When your girl is beginning to grow up, tell her often how beautiful she is.  Show her how men should treat women by the way you treat her mother.  Be extra conscientious to lift Mom’s load and be affectionate.  Grab your wife around the waist or sneak a kiss in the kids’ presence. 


 

Wholesome, rich parenting relationships will help our kids be secure in who they are and their great potential.  If the ideal is not possible, do the best you can.  Use Grandparents, trusted family and friends to provide wholesome bonding time and affectionate relationships.   And it is never too late to give more love—God helps us make up for the past, and move forward!  Let’s give our kids every possibility of a normal, happy life.  

Labels: