Ideas For My Pocket: a Support Group for Families: I Want to Be Astute, when I Play the Flute!

One day, 9-year old Mark went to his friend Bryson’s house, and while there, got to try out his new clarinet!! Bryson showed him all the neat keys and gadgets and which to push while you blow. That one experience led Mark to join the band for three or four years. It brought Mark-- usually a whole-hearted athlete--a completely new set of skills and an entirely new set of friends. An extremely active child, Mark benefitted greatly from a new challenge that was not just athletic. It blessed him his entire life.

Kathleen wanted her kids to try new things, such as instruments, but money was tight. She also wanted to avoid the contention that comes when halfway through the year, a child might want to quit. So for her family, summer was the time to try new talents. Kathleen would look for instruments at yard sales or from relatives that were done with them. She and Steve would make it clear to her kids that when they started an instrument, they had to see it through for the whole season. But summer band or orchestra or lessons were comparatively short, so if a particular instrument was a poor fit, her child at least was exposed to a new thing and learned to stick it out. Kathleen was glad for the exposure to a new world they got, and if the talent were developing and interest stuck, then her children were ready to continue through the whole next year.

2. Careful Consequences. Consider some consequences to help overcome setbacks in musical practice. Keep them as positive as possible.

Jen had invested a lot of time and money so that her girls could play the violin. She didn’t want to hound them, but knew that they must practice in order to succeed. So she devised a plan in which she put 5 clothespins across each girl’s music stand, at the beginning of the week. If ever one of them began to goof off or complain during their practice, she simply removed a clothespin. At the end of the week, if there were at least one clothespin left, the violinist would receive a small toy or prize from her shoebox treasure box. Very little had to be said in the process, and gradually, the girls learned to be diligent at their practicing.

Dawnie would figure out something that her kids really wanted to do, and couple that with their practicing. This consequence catered to the individual. For her son, it was time playing Wi, (but that would not have worked well for her daughter). For every minute that he practiced, he could play that many minutes on the Wi. Dawnie never had to talk about it; instead, her comments were complements, like “You’re sounding good!” Her son, who was driven, would choose to set the timer for 30 minutes, or even 1 ½hours of practice at times (since he wanted to play Wi that long). (Her daughter, who easily became overwhelmed, would have chosen much smaller increments.) Her son loved making his own choice when and how much to practice, and when finished he could tell himself, “I chose it! I did it!” The other thing Dawnie did was to sit down with her son and explain to him that this wasn’t about the Wi. She talked him through the value of learning an instrument and how much he would grow. Using the Wi was just a tool.

3. School Music Programs. Most schools let children try an instrument in their band or orchestra program. Many even have lender instruments to check out for the year.

Let the program do the motivating. Music Directors devise practice logs and playing tests. The students motivate each other to improve. Parents can simply understand and support what is in place.

Anna once spent a whole year carrying a heavy instrument bass viol and forth in her car four times a week, in order that her daughter Sammi could practice it at home. They even named it “Bennie the Bass” when they discussed “his” whereabouts! It was a lot of effort, and Sammi knew it. She agreed with her mom that if she went to all the trouble to lug that awkward instrument home, Sammi’s part was to do the practicing!

Tobi found out at the beginning of the year that her son would be required to practice his instrument several hours a week. But it would be very difficult for him to bring it back and forth on his bike the two miles he rode each day to Junior High. Also, he had afterschool sports and clubs almost every day, and where would he store the instrument during that time? Tobi got with the Music Teacher and devised a system in which her son could arrive at school 30 minutes early and practice in the practice room at school. Junior High started later than other schools in their community, and so it worked well for him to come early. There were a couple of snags to work out, but Tobi persevered and by the end of the year, her son was awarded the Most Improved! The little bit of regular practice done consistently really brought results!

Another advantage to school programs is that it provides good friends. Usually good kids who are motivated choose music. And when there is down time in music class, they will play fun songs! And compare. And motivate each other to learn more and become better.

4. Do the Concerts Well. Support your young musician whenever possible, at his concerts.

Make it a big deal to be at your musician’s concerts. Remember they are a big deal to her, and that she has been working on them all term. Plan hard to be there on time, and bring your camera. Even if you already have lots of pictures of your daughter at a concert, she will appreciate you making this concert important too.

Christa couldn’t always attend her children’s concerts. Sometimes there were conflicts with another school’s concert the same night. Or a pressing event. She discovered that she could go to the concert during the day, since her elementary school always did a practice concert for the other students the school day of the concert. If necessary, she could even come during a rehearsal. Christa tried to make sure that Grandmother or another family member would be there for the night concert too. Her musician appreciated her extra effort.

Tony liked to listen for a particular piece or a particular theme to discuss with his daughter after the concert. “I especially liked the fast-paced section of the third song” or “Was it hard to do all that pizzicato?” “Which song was your favorite?” he’d ask his young viola player, or “Which song was the most challenging to learn?” Tony would notice improvement on her vibrato or tell her that she was playing with more confidence. He and Susie liked particularly to discuss the concert in detail on the way home from the concert. They wanted to say more than “Good Concert!” The more detail they could bring up, the more supported their daughter felt.

5. Give them great examples and exposures. Just like a budding basketball star is urged to watch pro basketball to see the very best at the sport, a would-be musician would do well to watch or listen to the very best at his instrument. Find recordings of his instrument. Take him to concerts downtown. Or even at the high school. At church. Wherever he could watch a better musician than he. This helps fine tune his ear and his goals.

All of my children have played instruments along with piano, but only one of them has stuck with it all the way through high school and college. Even now, when he is in graduate school in another field, he still plays his beloved cello with a group whenever he can. I asked him and my other kids what was their motivation to practice. Some of the others mentioned the desire to be first chair being a huge motivator. Or wanting to play a fun song they found. One other son said he wanted to really figure out how the new thing he was learning fit in music theory, rather than just repeat a song over and over.

But my serious cellist, when asked how he handled all the sacrifice required to be in orchestras all the way through, insisted “(The motivation) has to be self-initiated.” In order to put in the time, effort, and sacrifice to really enjoy and play your instrument, it has to at some point come from within. He summed it up simply, “I love music!”

So that is the goal. Young children cannot be self-motivated from the get-go. They just don’t see that far ahead. So parents set them up for success by encouraging and motivating and providing needed supplies. They use rewards when needed, and load on the praise.

As I see it, at the beginning, when it is tough to get a new instrument figured out, to get “over the bumps” and be able to get to where a child can enjoy playing, he needs some external motivation. The rewards, the praise, the extra lessons. Then, with support, those destined to be better musicians will be able to find the internal desire to put in the time to be excellent.