A Positive Send-Off to School
I had been scolding my 4th grade son almost all
morning, every school morning, I realized. He
simply did not push himself to get off to school on time! And no matter how I tried not to, I kept
nagging him to get out the door. I
reasoned with him about needing to start early, and that he needed to ride his
bike to school with his friend (who left promptly at 8:15) to be safe. Not only that, most mornings I was racing
around the house after him with a spray bottle to make his rooster tail hair
lie down! (He was enjoying that way too
much!!)
I tried everything I could think of to change this, but
still mornings were turning out negative.
I wanted to have a positive send off, as he faced the world each day,
but I was afraid I was not succeeding.
1. Enter chart. This year, I decided to let a chart do the
job, to get my 5th grader out the door, and let me cease the morning
nagging. On the top of said chart, I posted
the “8:00 Check”--a tool I had used from years past. A simple reminder, it reads,
“Check Teeth (with his new braces, this one’s
imperative!)
Check Hair (still sticking up all over!)
Go to the Bathroom (obviously)
Go to School!”
The idea is to be ready by 8:00—10 minutes ahead of his out
the door time. If he does the last
minute check then, there is still time
left for finding lost shoes, homework, library book, bike helmet, etc.
Below that, there is listed:
C—Chores 3 garbages taken out, bags replaced
P—Practicing 2 x each song
H—Homework finished and signed
Time—Goal 8:10 by our wall clock
I have a blank Calendar there, with only the date on each
square, and a Pencil hanging on a string taped nearby. The chart is strategically placed near the
back door, where he goes for his bike.
The plan is for him to write each letter C, P, H, if he
finished it that morning (or the night before).
He then writes what time he leaves.
His
reward? For
August: After 5 times of meeting the
goal C, P, H, and 8:10, he can buy his lunch—his second favorite thing!
After 10 times of meeting the goal,
he can have a day with his nephew/best friend—his absolute favorite thing!
So my job? To say
nothing! I let the chart do the
job. Even if it takes a while to master,
he is in charge. If he asks to buy his
lunch, I simply check the chart to see if he’s reached 5x. When he begs to go have a day with his
nephew, I check the chart. He will
learn. In fact, later on, each month I
will increase the number of times to get the reward.
September may be 7 times to buy his lunch,
and 12 times to have his day with his nephew/ best friend. October may be 10 and 15 (more or less,
depending on how easy it is getting to meet the goal). Before long, my hope is that it will be a
habit to be on time.
Now, I just have to have the self-discipline to not say a
word when my son is daydreaming or lounging.
I don’t want to reinforce the negative, by commenting on it. If he is late, that is his choice, and he
will have to pay the consequences at school.
If he has wacky hair, that too is his choice. I am going to praise him up and down the days
he combs his hair!
The ideal is to increase our Praise by 10x and to decrease our Scolding by 10x.
2. Daddy Report
Every night at dinner for a good season, Mark would find
a Daddy Report at his place at the dinner table. It was simply a piece of
paper with every one of our kid’s initials written down one side. I would
record at least one good thing that each had done that day. (If I had a
hard time finding something for a particular child, I’d write, “Tommy almost got his chores done before school!”)
The Daddy
Report was especially great to fill Dad in about what was going on at school,
and it made for great dinner conversation!
He might read, “Sam made
6 baskets at the game at recess,” or “Sally
gave a report on Polar Bears and did a great job.” Sometimes I’d write,
“Ask Cindy about her art class
today,” or “Ask Carter what his
teacher said about his English paper.” We then all learned happy details
about each other and talked about them, and success at school was supported and
encouraged.
I had to make it simple—just a piece of blank paper
with Daddy Report written across the top and each child’s initial down one
side. I had it handy on the draining
board, where I could jot down something while I was thinking of it. I made sure I wrote something for everyone!
The Daddy Report can provide 3 different opportunities
to praise, one from Mom because she wrote it down; one when Dad reads it aloud
for all to hear, and third when that child gets to explain more about her
success. All can celebrate together, for
there is something for everyone on the “report.”
Once again, rather than scolding, we are reinforcing
the positive that we want to have grow.
Labels: Children--Less Scolding